This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Just because America celebrated EVERYTHING this week doesn’t mean the movie trailers are going 2 stop. Get real, dudes. The day we stop having new movie trailers is the day the terrorists whatever. These trailers don’t run. America. Barbecue. Savages in theaters now!

Why Stop Now?

You love Jesse Eisenberg, you love Tracy Morgan, you love mom from The Wrestler and/or last night’s episode of Louie, you love piano recitals, you love Haddie from Parenthood, you love Oxycontin. I could go on and on, WHY STOP NOW lololol.

Jack Reacher

Apparently people who have actually read these books are upset because the character of Jack Reacher’s main quality is that he’s just a gigantic (physically) monster whose mere presence intimidates everyone. I don’t see what the big deal is? I’m sure they put some lifts in Tom Cruises’s shoes and he’s got the power of the Demon Volcano coursing through his divorced veins. He seems plenty scary.

The Loneliest Planet

This looks good.


This is clearly one of those movies that you watch and at the end of the movie you are just like, “man, people are really the worst!” Which is great because it’s not as if every day experience in the world reinforces that obvious fact enough. Spend 12 dollars and learn it again for the first time. (This movie does look pretty good. If you love SUMMER BUMMERS.)

The Tall Man

OU SONT LES ENFANTS?! You know in horror movies when the house or the bakery is haunted or terrorized or whatever how for some reason the people keep living in the house and something horrible will happen in the house that is the scariest thing but the next day they are in the breakfast nook being like “Sheesh, I don’t know how much more of this we can take!” Uh, how about NO MORE OF THIS. Every child in town disappears and you’ve got two childs? Time to move to a new town, girl. “But I love how there’s no work here and everyone is sad.” Get out of there! Craigslist!