The Thing About “Hannah Montana Coon Repellent”

When I first moved back to New York a number of years ago, I remember having this very boring and dull thought that you’d expect to hear from some college freshman smoking Djarum’s on the quad after a veggie burger dinner in the cafeteria, thinking he’d just struck intellectual gold and all his professors should probably quit their jobs because he was the new genius now, dawg. But basically I was doing some temp work for this web company that published on-line diets. You’d register for an account and they provided you with recipes for your meals to help you control your caloric intake or some such. And the thing is, this company was doing pretty well: they had a nice office in Dumbo, and the people who worked there seemed very nice. And my dumb thought was just about how everyone came into that office every day and spent a majority of their lives there and a huge part of their experience on a day-to-day level was going into this place to do a thing most people didn’t even know existed necessarily but was completely central to their own idea of the world, and how their nice office was just one of the offices on one floor of this one building in Dumbo which is actually a smaller neighborhood out of all the neighborhoods in New York, and from there you extrapolate to all of the secret, hidden corners of the city, and all the unknown lives they contain, and from there you can branch out to all of buildings in all of the cities in all of America and then out into the world, and it’s very overwhelming and it’s not in any way novel nor does it have any real depth to simply realize there are lots of people in the world and they’re very different from you and they do different things and see everything through different eyes and sit at different desks thinking different thoughts and looking out different windows. But at some point you get to a guy on a porch with a pet raccoon biting him on the arm making a 30 second YouTube video called “Hannah Montana Coon Repellent,” because that’s out there, too, as one of the possibilities.

At lunch, I’m going to fill up a juice glass with every different kind of soda and one for each milk. #DormLife (Via WarmingGlow.)