A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Chuck Norris Wants To Keep Gays Out Of Boy Scouts

Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How are you today?
Gabe: i’m fine thanks, how are you?
Kelly: Fine, mostly fine. Thanks.
Gabe: great
Gabe: well, this has been really nice, as always
Gabe: let’s catch up again soon
Kelly: That sounds great, talk to you then.
Gabe: bye bye
Gabe: bye bye bye

Gabe disconnected
Gabe connected

Kelly: Helloooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabe: oh hi
Gabe: i thought you were done
Gabe: it really seemed like u were dun
Kelly: I was done and believe me I was so happy to be done
Kelly: But while you were gone I got some Chuck Norris news
Kelly: And I know you can never resist a good piece of Chuck Norris news
Gabe: weird
Gabe: i don’t know why my Chuck Norris google alert
hasn’t pinged yet
Kelly: That is weird, I’m sure you’ll get it in a sec
Gabe: what did the rascal do now?

Kelly: Well he wrote an article for — which adds to why it’s a little weird that you haven’t heard about it yet — about how a boy scouts official, along with Obama, are trying to lift a ban on gay people in Boy Scouts
Kelly: And about how WRONG that is, clearly
Gabe: “wrote an article”
Gabe: that seems like a bit of a stretch
Gabe: “wrote an article”
Kelly: It’s titled “Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?”
Kelly: So I can only imagine the body of the article reads
Kelly: “yes”
Gabe:, all the news that’s fit to
Gabe: well, wait
Gabe: IS obama creating a pro-gay boy scouts of america?!?!?!
Kelly: I have to tell you that I haven’t read the article, so I don’t have all the facts
Gabe: i’m also not entirely clear on what a pro-gay boy scouts of america would even mean
Gabe: allowing gays to participate in something without fear of persecution doesn’t really make it “pro-gay” it just makes it, you know, NORMAL AND HUMAN
Kelly: Right
Gabe: “OK, boys, time to fuck each other.”
Gabe: even that wouldn’t be pro-gay though
Gabe: that would just be pro-jail
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: I unlocked the Jail Badge!

Kelly: “Ok, boys, time to fuck each other.” – Gabe Delahaye, 1906 ? 2012
Kelly: Well what I can tell you about the article is that it attacks James Turley, a Boy Scouts official, who is trying to overturn the Boy Scouts policy that bans gay scouts and leaders
Gabe: i love that norris attacks a high ranking boy scouts offiical
Gabe: for trying to remove an antiquated ban on gay scouts and leaders
Gabe: by implying that he’s just trying
Gabe: to “curry favor with Obama’s pro-gay administration”
Gabe: i feel like if there is one thing you can be sure of
Gabe: in the midst of multiple wars and an economic crisis and one of the most highly contested elections in american history
Gabe: the president is VERY curious what the officials at the boy scouts of america are up to and whether or not they’re even TRYING to curry favor
Gabe: “And that is why I am using the full power of this office to nominate James Turley as the American ambassador to CandyLand.”
Kelly: Hahah, right.
Kelly: And also to have the mindset that allows you to assume a person trying to remove the antiquated rule could only be doing it for this weird roundabout reason
Kelly: So Obama’s “pro-gay” administration would perhaps take note
Kelly: Rather than just because it is a ridiculous rule
Kelly: Is quite a telling mindset
Gabe: well, then again
Gabe: it’s hard to pick up a newspaper these days
without seeing some headline
Gabe: about James Turley and his activist boyscouts of america administration
Gabe: so, maybe CHUCK NORRIS has a point

Kelly: That is true, there’s no getting around that
Kelly: He also claims that it would be un-American to lift this ban
Gabe: well, that’s kind of true
Gabe: we have a long history of institutionalized bigotry
Gabe: and of being almost impossibly slow in the progressive development towards equality and justice
Gabe: so, he’s right
Gabe: it would be un-American
Kelly: Drops the mic
Gabe: let’s wait 50 years and then apologize on a postage stamp
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: snail mail
Gabe: right, Kelly? FUGHETTABOUTIT snail mail
Kelly: I BARELY even know what you’re talking about
Gabe: i also like when Chuck Norris says taht the boy scouts represent the BEST of America
Gabe: do they?
Gabe: i mean, i have no problem with the boy scouts
Gabe: but do they really represent the BEST of America?
Gabe: it’s just an after-school club for children based around pocket knives and wooden race cars
Gabe: and scarves
Kelly: Right

Gabe: and patches
Kelly: And grown kids who wear their boy scout costumes to high school when they’re allowed to for some reason
Gabe: for years, Russia and Japan and Germany have looked to the United States
Gabe: wishing they could compete
Gabe: with our BOY SCOUTS
Kelly: That’s why we’re #1
Kelly: We teach our boys different ways to tie ropes early on
Kelly: And NONE of them are gay
Gabe: next week on The Newsroom
Gabe: and then Emily Mortimer is like
Kelly: And then Jeff Daniels is like, “Get outta here with that! Get it outta the Newsroom!”
Gabe: i heard that aaron sorkin broke his nose
Gabe: writing the news room episode about boy scouts
Gabe: in the mirror
Kelly: I heard that Aaron Sorkin berated a girl who was interviewing him because she didn’t think America had the best Boy Scouts in the ’40s
Gabe: you know how i know you’re gay?
Kelly: how
Gabe: because you’re chuck norris and you’re 72 years old and you wrote an angry screed about the boy scouts
Kelly: BOOM