Dump Him, Girl: Wedding Party Falls In A Lake

Oh, girl. The truth is — and I don’t want you to think that we’ve all been talking about you guys behind your back all this time, but I do just want you to know the truth — none of us have EVER liked him. He’s not that handsome, first of all, I’M SORRY, and the way he always pays for dinner seems more condescending than anything else. You know what I mean? I know when you met him in the elevator at work or when you were both in line at Dairy Queen and ordered the same thing or when you were in that traffic jam or WHATEVER he seemed like the man of your dreams. And I’m sure he has his sweet moments, hell, I’m sure he seems great sometimes. You must’ve married him for some reason other than fear of being lonely for the rest of your life. But girl, remember on your wedding day when your entire wedding party fell into that lake, LOL, and he swam to safety without even looking back at you, leaving you to be helped by one of your bridesmaids who eventually had to yell at him to come over and help you up onto the dock because she couldn’t do it herself? You must remember that. Here, let me refresh your memory a bit.

Dump him, girl. (Thanks for the tip , Werttrew.)