Let’s All Find Our First Taste Of Root Beer This Week

Noah, go easy on the Barq’s! A lot of times you will hear adults talk about childhood moments like this as some kind of completely lost and inaccessible form of incredible pleasure untarnished by, you know, THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THE WORLD WORKS. “I wish I could like something half as much as this kid likes root beer,” etc, etc. That kind of thing. But those people are quitters. And also have no idea how hard life is for children. They HAVE to lose their fucking minds after sipping on a root beer because everything else in life is just a series of being shoved around from one confusing nightmare to another. Kids don’t know WHAT the fuck is going on at any given moment. One second they’re spitting on a half-used Kleenex and wiping your face with it, the next second they’re forcing you to go to sleep in a terrifyingly dark room even if you’re not tired, and the next second you have this magical, sweet, bubbling drink to enjoy. So you better enjoy the shit out of it! This week, let’s all find our proverbial first taste of root beer. We can do it. Or let’s just sit around and wait for death because now we know it’s inevitable. Is that better? Which would you rather do this week? (Via ViralVideos.)