Correcting Bill Clinton’s Biopic Actor Choices

Bill Clinton was recently a guest on Piers Morgan Tonight, which was, at the time, being guest-hosted by Harvey Weinstein. Neat! PLEASE WAKE UP! I’m sorry about that opening sentence, but I had to write it because while Bill Clinton was a guest on Harvey Wenstein One Night A Few Days Ago, they discussed whom Bill Clinton would like cast in his imaginary biopic because duh what else are you going to talk about, and, first of all, Bill Clinton couldn’t even come up with anyone to say so Harvey Weinstein had to answer the question for him, and then Harvey Weinstein couldn’t even come up with anyone good. Television! From the Huffington Post:

When Clinton couldn’t come up with a suitable candidate for himself, Weinstein suggested a few of Hollywood’s elite. In the end it came down to that age-old question: Brad Pitt or George Clooney?

Pitt was just “too good looking” for Clinton. However, the former president was quite taken with the idea of George Clooney, after praising the actor — and staunch supporter of the Democratic party — for his role in “The Descendants.” “He was so good in it, so real,” said Clinton.

As for the naysayers who think Clooney is too good looking to play the former president, Clinton humorously replied, “You could put bulbous things on his nose.”

As for who would play his wife, and current Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, there was only one leading lady suitable for the job. “Meryl Streep,” replied Clinton, despite the fact that Streep is 11 years older than Clooney.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Terrible answers. Brad Pitt or George Clooney? R U kidding me, Harvey Weinstein and Bill Clinton? USE YOUR BIG DUMB BRAINS. Meryl Streep isn’t a terrible answer, except it kind of is because Hillary was not a 70-year-old when Bill Clinton was in the White House. Ugh. These guys. We can do better than these guys! Let’s do better than these guys. Here are my choices:

Bill: Ryan Gosling
Hillary: Brit Marling

Bill: The cartoon version of Bill Clinton, as if he’d been a character on Clone High.
Hillary: Mom from Home Movies in a wig.

Bill: Mark Duplass
Hillary: Greta Gerwig

Bill: Josh Hutcherson
Hillary: Chloë Moretz

Bill: David Wain
Hillary: Amy Poehler

Bill: H. Jon Benjamin
Hillary: John Roberts

Bill: Britt Daniel
Hillary: St. Vincent

Bill: David Bowie
Hillary: Charlize Theron

Bill: Gabe Delahaye
Hillary: Jennifer Lopez

Bill: Alec Baldwin
Hillary: Martin Short dressed like a woman

Bill: Rik Mayall
Hillary: Phoebe Cates

Bill: George Clooney
Hillary: Meryl Streep

It is more difficult than I thought it would be, to be honest.