I was looking at a subway poster for Men in Black 3 the other day, which is about as close as I’ve gotten to actually seeing the movie at this point, and I noticed something kind of weird. The poster featured Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones wearing their suits and their sunglasses, NATURALLY, and holding up their memory eraser chapstick or whatever, against a mottled gray backdrop. Sure. But then when you looked closer you saw that the mottled gray blackdrop was actually the initials “MIB3″ repeated over and over against in grey type against a black background. Here’s why that’s weird: “MIB3″ isn’t a thing. I mean, it is now. Congratulations to everyone involved and congratulations to the troops. Memorial Day 2012. But there was this weird insistence throughout the marketing campaign that we were all just on board with this thing, that it was both inevitable and wonderful, and that America was, like, sighing this great big sigh of relief that we finally got to reunite with our old friends. Obviously, the original Men in Black movies were hugely successful, but that was 100 years ago. You’re more than welcome to revisit the franchise if you want, but don’t just act like it’s automatically trending worldwide on Twitter. Kids these days do not care about Tommy Lee Jones vehicles (or Josh Brolin for that matter, and even Will Smith is becoming a bit of a stretch). As far as I’m concerned you’re going to have to sell this movie just as hard as everyone else is selling their movies, which I think is part of the reason why the movie, while still the #1 movie in America, didn’t actually smash the box office. It was a little insulting! They didn’t even try to make the movie look appealing or fun or interesting. They just lazily printed “MIB3″ against a black backdrop, like, “I know, right?” But we don’t know. What is that? That’s not a thing. Did you guys even see this movie this weekend or are you, like me, waiting to see it on an airplane someday just as soon as you save enough money to buy a ticket on an airplane? “One adult for the airplane, please.” Men in Black 3. Pffft. Puh-lease. I’d rather see that movie about the old people at the hotel. Hotel for Old People. I’m pretty sure Dame Judi Dench and Tommy Lee Jones are the same age anyways. (They aren’t. But you get it.) When I think of Men in Black 3 I just picture two middle aged men making cartoon faces on some kind of waterslide. Old Dogs + Mars Needs Moms + Hot Tub Time Machine = This Movie.