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A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Anderson Cooper VS. “The Human Barbie”

Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: what’s up?
Kelly: Same old things
Kelly: Trying to think of what I’m going to have for dinner
Kelly: What’s up with you?
Gabe: whoa
Gabe: you don’t know what you’re going to have for dinner yet?
Gabe: take the rest of the day off
Kelly: Oh, that would be great. Thank you, really
Gabe: our thoughts and prayers are with you and your dinner during this difficult time
Kelly: I didn’t want to say anything, but I really appreciate it
Kelly: Talk to you tomorrow!
Gabe: you didn’t want to say anything
Gabe: but it was the first thing you said
Kelly: Well you asked me what was up
Kelly: I wasn’t going to lie to you
Gabe: life is hard
Gabe: sometimes it’s like, you don’t even want to say anything
Gabe: you know?
Gabe: but you will
Gabe: immediately
Kelly: Is that the tagline for Say Anything 2
Gabe: no.
Gabe: next question!
Kelly: Ok so have you seen the clip of Anderson Cooper yelling at the human barbie?

Gabe: i’ve seen it but i haven’t watched it
Gabe: because i’m an adult man
Kelly: Oh please
Gabe: there are only so many hours in the day/my life
Gabe: i only watch videos about barbecue sauce and shaving cream brushes FROM NOW ON
Kelly: Whatever, that’s fair. We’ll ALL turn 50 someday.
Gabe: GQ.com
Gabe: which single malt barbecue sauce makes you feel like World War II documentary
Gabe: hold on, i’ll watch it
Gabe: i want to know what the girls are talking about
Kelly: Ugh
Gabe: what?
Gabe: ugh what?
Kelly: Just men
Kelly: Ugh, men.
Kelly: Have you watched it yet?????????????

Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: the disdain in anderson cooper’s voice
Gabe: as he repeats
Gabe: “you actually do see Beyonce sweat on stage”
Gabe: is so intense
Kelly: Yeah it’s funny that that was the tipping point
Gabe: what is the point of this clip?
Gabe: as a WOMYN, can you tell me?
Gabe: or at the very least
Gabe: as a HUGE FAN of Anderson Cooper
Gabe: can you tell me?
Kelly: Well as each of those I think the only point of this clip is that for some reason Anderson Cooper invited a nightmare onto his show
Kelly: And then got upset when she was a nightmare
Kelly: There’s some post-show interview with him where he explains that he didn’t think she was speaking genuinely
Kelly: And he got upset because he thought she was doing this just for publicity
Gabe: wait a second
Gabe: hold on
Gabe: the woman with the most plastic surgery of everyone
Gabe: who calls herself the human barbie
Gabe: was not being genuine and was seeking publicity
Gabe: when she went on a bullshit daytime talk show
Gabe: ?!
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: DO YOU GET WHY HE WAS SO UPSET YET?
Gabe: DOES NO ONE HAVE ANY INTEGRITY LEFT?
Gabe: Anderson Cooper was like
Gabe: “CAN WE GET THAT 500 POUND CAT BACK IN THE STUDIO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DIED? WELL THERE GOES THE LAST PERSON WITH A SHRED OF DIGNITY.”
Kelly: The most upsetting thing about the clip, really, is how everyone claps while he yells at her.
Kelly: :(
Kelly: You invited her on your show because she was insane!
Kelly: How are you then upset that she is insane!
Gabe: right
Gabe: she is at least being consistent
Gabe: there are no surprises coming from her side of things
Kelly: haha right
Gabe: anderson cooper is the one throwing curveballs
Gabe: it’s a pretty slippery slope for a daytime talk show host
Gabe: to start telling people they’re horrible to their face
Gabe: when they are invited on the show specifically because
Gabe: they’re horrible

Kelly: Seriously
Kelly: It’s going to be hard to get, like
Kelly: The woman who wants to be the fattest woman
Kelly: To come on Anderson
Kelly: if he’s just going to yell at her to lose weight
Gabe: maybe he just thought she was going to have some great advice
Gabe: for working moms
Gabe: it is also hilarious that he was mad that she wanted publicity
Gabe: not only because obviously she wants publicity
Gabe: but also because WHAT ELSE IS THE POINT OF GOING ON THAT SHOW?
Gabe: for anyone?
Gabe: everyone who goes on that show
Gabe: wants publicity
Gabe: this isn’t the fucking Moth
Gabe: (and people who go on the Moth just want publicity)
Kelly: Hahah honestly
Kelly: And what else is the point of having a universally reviled monster mom on your show
Gabe: it’s hard to hold the moral high ground
Gabe: when you are the one being kind of a jerk
Gabe: to the person you invited
Gabe: he’s so proud of himself
Gabe: for telling it like it is
Gabe: as if he didn’t know how it was
Gabe: beforehand
Gabe: it’s such a false construct
Kelly: Common sense and the people who book guests set ‘em up
Kelly: Anderson knocks ‘em down
Kelly: If you don’t like it you can watch the damn View
Gabe: YEAH!
Gabe: you DO see beyonce sweat, though
Kelly: You actually do.