Everyone OK? Everyone keeping up? The past couple episodes have mostly been spoken lists of troop deployments, so I’m just making sure everyone’s up to speed. There’s that dweeb in the north who is such a drip. The guy who cannot seem to get a close enough shave even with Ye Gillette Mach Thrice is sailing across the ocean. Rob Stark is getting it wet with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Jon Snow has been caught by the Man Sized Ewoks. The little girl is punching people’s assassination numbers like she’s running the brisket line at Katz’s Deli. Jaime Lannister has “escaped” to try and bargain for the release of the two Stark girls, but what he should be bargaining for is a shower because the dude is gross. Tyrion and Cersei might need to go to couples therapy but for siblings. Tyrion and Varys (the bald eunuch, #nonerdo) also might need to go to some kind of couples therapy but for suspicious rivalries. Basically everyone should probably be in some kind of therapy. And that just about catches us up! Oh, and those two little boys who got burned up and hung from the rafters weren’t burned up and hung from the rafters at all, but we knew that already, right? I mean that seemed kind of obvious. Also not that good of a reveal! That is your big jaw-dropping episode closing reveal? Snooze. “Two little boys asleep in some hay. DUNH-DUNH-DUNH.” Give me some dragons or something. Cut someone’s head off! (Speaking of dragons, WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS, STILL?) Anyway, there are only two episodes left which means next week should be pretty good because HBO always makes the pre-finale episodes the best episodes. WINTER. IS. HERE.