Hooray, more upfronts! Did everyone wake up this morning, eyes wide, more awake than they’ve felt in months, because they knew they’d get to hear a bunch of stuff about TV today? You didn’t even need any coffee this morning, probably? “No coffee today, Sheryl. Don’t you know it’s UPFRONTS?” Is that what you said to your assistant? “And, please, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but I’d like all the upfronts news on my desk FIRST THING in the morning. And you could’ve at least memorized Jimmy Kimmel’s roast from ABC’s upfronts presentation yesterday. I heard he had a killer burn on CBS and it’s just — I don’t want you to think I’m reprimanding you, really, you do a fine job most of the time — but it’s just that I would’ve liked to hear that to help me get into the MOOD.” Man, you’re terrible! Relax! But, honestly, I do get it. It’s an exciting time. Today we have a million trailers from ABC, and then some news from Adult Swim! Remember last year when Gabe said he got to go to the Adult Swim upfronts party? What a bragger! Forget about him, let’s have our OWN Adult Swim upfronts party here! Quietly, on the internet! While we’re all at work! And it’s raining outside! HOORAY! SHERYL, ROLL THE CLIPS!
The Neighbors is a comedy about a family who moves to the suburbs and lives next door to aliens who have all taken the names of famous athletes. It’s one of those shows, like the one about the superhero family that was on briefly last year or the year before, that I just don’t understand why people keep making. Who would care to watch this every week! Not enough people like wacky, baseless family garbage enough to keep it on the air longer than for a few episodes. Right? Or maybe it’ll be a hit! Who knows. UPFRONTS!
Malibu Country is a Reba McEntire show about country something and it has a laugh track and YOU can watch the trailer if you want to, but I am not going to watch the trailer.
The Family Tools is about a father and son construction family, and it stars J.K. Simmons, Leah Remini, and Kyle Bornheimer. J.K. Simmons is great in everything and I really love him a lot. Other than that, well, you know. This is ABC. I’m not sure that we should expect a lot from these ABC previews. But: J.K. Simmons!
How To Live With Your Parents is about the blonde lady from Scrubs having to move, with her daughter, in with her parents after getting a divorce. And I know what I just said about ABC was pretty negative and I don’t want to go back on it completely, but, hey, this one doesn’t look too bad! And Brian Grazer is the executive producer. It certainly seems like it will be one to put in your DVR and watch when you get around to it.
Nashville is another country show, but unlike that last country show that I couldn’t even watch the trailer of, this country show seems GREAT! Connie Britton IS Gwyneth Paltrow in Country Strong and Hayden Panettiere IS Blair Waldorf in Country Strong, and Nashville IS Country Strong: The TV Show, and I WILL watch it, probably.
Last Resort looking fuckin’ CRAAAAAAZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY! Kind of like what I imagine Lost to be, except with the military. Watch it. The trailer is absolutely as good as the whole show is going to get, but the trailer is great.
666 Park Avenue is a spooky thriller about a guy who maybe works (?) at this spooky apartment building, from the producers of Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars, and it has the guy from Lost in it. It looks like if The Shining were sexy, and if lots of people lived at the Overlook, and if The Shining were probably going to be canceled after one season, and then lots of other differences. Watch!
Zero Hour is an ancient secret society abduction clock nazi thriller, with the likable guy from Greek. I’m sure it’s for someone.
Red Widow is a gangster show that looks boring.
Mistresses is an Alyssa Milano show about what you think it’s about.
You can more about the Adult Swim upfronts here, since there are no trailers and hearing me paraphrase their brief descriptions isn’t going to give you any better of an idea, but these two are the shows most people are talking about:
Untitled Animated Harold & Kumar Project: An animated version of Harold & Kumar, no doy. Both John Cho and Kal Penn are on board to voice the characters. And uhhhh, ok, so there’s that one.
Rick & Morty: This is a 30-minute Dan Harmon project about a genius inventor and his grandson. That might be good!
So there are those! What do you guys think? Are you so excited to hear about the upfronts news that gets announced tonight TOMORROW when we talk about it? Are you actually pretty excited about Nashville? Is the hole Lost left in your heart completely full again?