That’s Your Hate-Filled Nonsense Garbage Ranting Girlfriend

So she’s a bit older. Who cares? You’ve reached a point in your life where “age” just doesn’t factor into what you look for in a potential lover. What matters to you is that she supports you, listens to you, and, above all, shares your beliefs. Specifically your beliefs concerning Nebraska’s current fight to amend the state’s anti-discrimination law so it covers discrimination against LGBT citizens, an issue some might believe obvious and embarrassing in its current lack of resolution. SOME. Some. But not all. Not you two. You two peas in a dirty bigot pod know the truth about why LGBT citizens should not be covered under anti-discrimination law. For example, why should we protect “gays, bis, and orgiers” when THEY are the ones who created the ABC show Wipeout? A show that has broken bones and manslaughter EVERY MINUTE, just because they like to see people perishing? Does that sound “RIGHT” to you? And, please, don’t even get her started on Whitney Houston being naked when she died because whenever a person dies naked it’s because a gay man stole their clothing, or something. Actually, you know — you can’t do this justice. Everyone should just listen to your girlfriend. Although you share your beliefs that make so much sense and are so easy to re-state and not have them sound like I must’ve gotten something wrong in there because what?, she states them so much more eloquently.

“Oh my god,” you say. “Take off that hat and come over here, I just can’t resist any longer.” (Thanks for the tip, hassiar!)