Other Timely Plot Ideas For Scary Movie 5

The Scary Movie oeuvre is one of America’s most prized oeuvres. “How do they do it?” That is what everyone asked every time another Scary Movie was released. “How do they continue to put out all of these carefully constructed movie spoofs right on time, and how — knowing how delicate and specific to a certain period of time the references tend to be — do each of the films still feel so fresh to this day?” I’m not here to answer those questions for you — I’m not sure anyone can, unless you’re talking to The Wayans Brothers THEMSELVES, and even then I’m sure there’s an element of magic they don’t even fully understand, but I am here to let you know about their newest GOT’EM adventure, Scary Movie 5! Ahhhh, it’s coming, hooray! From FeatureFilmAuditions:

The story in “Scary Movie 5″ involves the dance world, with a snooty, aloof, imperious, and oversexed French director of a dance company named Pierre putting on a huge production. Jody, a Caucasian late 20’s mother of two and her late-20’s African American friend Kendra are both vying for the lead in the production. Jody’s extremely controlling former dancer mother is determined that Jody will have the brilliant career that eluded her. The highly skipped mid-30’s Diva veteran dancer with the company, Heather Daltry, gets cut from the production and goes berserk.

Soooooooooo good! Such a good idea for a movie that is still not going to come out for who knows how long! It’s about time someone gave 2010’s Black Swan the ribbing it deserves. But, as is true of all Scary Movies, you know Black Swan isn’t the ONLY target. SOMEONE has to get pushed into a pit and then someone else has to say “THIS. IS. BALLET!” and then Borat has to say “very nice.” But what other fun references do you hope they include? I’ll go first.

  • Fat Bastard says “get in my belly” to one of the ballerinas and then he eats the ballerina and spits out her bones and says “too boney” and then the camera pans to an Olsen twin and she says “WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER!”
  • The ballerinas run through India and fall into poop as part of a training montage.
  • Awkward Jesse Eisenberg/Mark Zuckerburg character says “you know what’s cooler than a million [whatever], a billion [whatever]” and it doesn’t even matter that he isn’t the one that said that line in The Social Network.
  • “VOTE FOR PEDRO” t-shirt.
  • One of the ballerinas looks like Juno and she farts a lot.

This movie is going to make more money than Titanic 2D! KING OF THE WORLD! (Via Vulture.)