A Super-Safe Party Trick To Definitely Try

You know when you’re hanging out at a party and you’re bored because you’re a jerk and you don’t really like fun, apparently, and I don’t even know why you’re at the party if you’re going to stand around and be bored, but whatever, so you’re there and you’re like, “Ugh, I just wish SOMEONE would perform a party trick that kind of takes a long time to prepare and made everyone a little anxious because every element of it seems pretty dangerous, and the payoff isn’t that great, certainly not great enough to even out how dangerous it seems?” You know when you’re like that at a party? Well next time you’re in that situation, why don’t YOU be the one to perform the party trick? Huh? You jerk? Since all you’re doing is complaining very specifically anyway? All you need is a CD, a bunch more minutes than people are willing to wait around for, a lighter, and very little fear of burning yourself/eventual cancer.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS! Beautiful. You are welcome and please do not try this, I’m sure you can handle it and I’m sure you’re an adult, but it seems a little like you might inhale instead of exhale and then your throat will be covered in melted CD and you’ll die? That’s just what it seems like! Don’t do this! You’re making me nervous! Learn a card trick! (Via DangerousMinds.)