This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

I’m sorry. I know I need to focus on movie trailers and we have some new movie trailers to talk about and this is the part of the week where the important thing is movie trailers, but I still can’t get over this Geraldo stuff. I mean, GOODNESS GRACIOUS! It kind of reminds me of that scene in Naked Gun when Leslie Nielsen wears a microphone into the bathroom. The difference, of course, is that Leslie Nielsen’s character was supposed to be a buffoon, whereas Geraldo Rivera has decades and decades of media training. Also, when Leslie Nielsen went to the bathroom with his mic on, you just heard a really long pee, not a disgusting racist rant. Dunk his head in a toilet! Give him a swirlie on the jumbotron! Jerk. OK. Enough. Movie trailers!

Sound of My Voice

Huh. So it’s like Maggie Marcy Mister Maggoo meets that $10 movie about time travel from seven years ago that I’m too lazy to look up the name of? Well that sounds like a pretty good combination! This movie looks good except for the part where the guy and the girl are freelance self-employed investigative journalists AND boyfriend and girlfriend? It’s too much. Also, when he demands to know how far she is willing to go for the truth, she should really answer “as far as the bank to cash our paychecks,” because at a certain point who is this story even for? Utne Reader? But the movie looks pretty good.

Cosmopolis (NSFW)

CRONENBERRRRRRRRRG! For every Dead Ringers there is an ExistenZ, so we’ve got to be careful with this guy, but what are we going to do, NOT see it? Hahaha. Don’t make me FREAK OUT.

The Host

WHERE R THA VAMPIRES?! TEAM VAMPIRES JUST KIDDING! Whatever. This looks like, what, Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Who knows. As a grown man, telling me that this is based on a Stephanie Meyer book is NOT a selling point, but I do love stock photos of “ethnic” faces!

Jesus Henry Christ

This looks REAL ’90s. Is it going to turn out that the mom and the dad are brother and sister or something? Sometimes writing these trailer reactions makes me feel like the annoying guy at the movie theater. WHO’S HE? WHY DID SHE DO THAT? Shut up, Gabe. I bet the title of this movie is going to piss Kirk Cameron off, though.

Death of a Superhero

Myyyyyy preciouuuusssssss! Get it? Serkis! It’s actually pretty incredible how James Cameron built a new kind of movie camera so that they could CGI map a lifelike Andy Serkis creature and lay him over Andy Serkis in a motion capture bodysuit to play Andy Serkis in Good Will Hunting 2: Dying Young (1991).

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

The kids are alright.