Are You Smarter Than A Bibleth Grader?

So we all know that Jeff Foxworthy is (or was?) the host of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, one of the best and least upsetting game shows of all time. Oh the nights when we’d come home from work, crack open an O’Doul’s, and just laugh and guess along with the contestants, eager to see if each is or is not smarter than a fifth grader. “A Jeff Foxworthy-hosted game show could never get better than this,” we thought. “What’s to improve? I cannot and WILL not think of even one thing.” But oh how wrong we were! From The Huffington Post:

GSN has tapped the comedian to host “The American Bible Challenge,” a game show that tests contestants’ knowledge of the scripture, with the intention of celebrating the Bible and incorporating it into contemporary life.

“I am excited to be hosting a show about the bestselling book of all time,” Foxworthy said in a statement. “It will be interesting to find out what people really know, and an opportunity to present the Bible in a fun and entertaining way.”

Oh jeeze, “excited to be hosting a show about the bestselling book of all time.” People referring to the Bible as “the bestselling book of all time” is so upsetting and I barely even know why. HAVE YOU EVEN CHECKED IT AGAINST RECENT HUNGER GAMES SALES? “I’m excited to be hosting a show about a book that you can find in the bedside table drawer of many hotel rooms,” how about. “I’m excited to be hosting a show about the book that has born hateful bigots around the world, and insured that large groups of people are not given equal rights.” “I’m excited to be hosting a show about a book.” But anyway, yes, sure, this game sounds like so much fun. I can’t wait to watch it and then be a contestant and then win. Sunday school classes will be playing VHS-copied reruns of it to preteens for lifetimes to come. But WHY STOP HERE? Did they even consider THESE other fun game show options?

  • The American Rules Of The Road Challenge
  • The American See Who Can Sleep The Longest Challenge
  • The American Sports Rules Challenge
  • The American What Time Is It Now Challenge
  • The American Children Having To Run Errands With Their Moms Challenge

Honestly, I am going to stop because I can’t think of a more boring game show than The American Bible Challenge. Congratulations, GSN! You win this time!