This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Vulture posted an article this week about how John Carter was doomed from the release of its very first trailer. It’s a kind of interesting look at how important it is to “position” a movie in order to make an audience want to go see it. Although, I’m not entirely convinced that the only problem was the movie’s trailer. There is also the issue of its insane budget. And cast of relative unknowns. The fact that the movie’s name was John Carter didn’t do it any favors either. (I also think it’s weird that we live in a world where a movie can take in 100 MILLION DOLLARS worldwide in a single weekend and be considered an HISTORIC FLOP. Hey maybe we should FEED STARVING PEOPLE.) In any case, movie trailers, you guys. Just so important these days.

Dark Shadows

This looks kind of great? I don’t know anything about the original Dark Shadows source material, and as a general rule I hate all things vampire, all things nostalgiac throwback, and all things “ironic” mash-up, but you forgot one thing: Johnny Depp. He really is just a very good and compelling actor and he looks very funny in this. Tim Burton’s fine, too, as long as you ignore half the movies he’s made and light a candle in church every time someone says Big Fish.

A Little Bit of Heaven

Finally, a cancer comedy for WOMEN. Is it just me, or does every single Kate Hudson movie ever made involve a scene of her having a hard time getting ready in the morning? Oh, Kate! On a separate note, I’m not sure how opening an anatomical doll and watching it’s guts spill onto the floor is an illustration of how she “always lives life to the fullest.” This trailer is actually pretty confusing. She’s a cut-throat advertising executive? But she has cancer? And something about her mom? And Peter Dinklage? And the Bucket List? Maybe the hope is just that the trailer will be so all over the map that people will just HAVE to see it to answer all the mysteries.

The Assault


On the Road

There are a number of famous books, On The Road being one of them, that have never been turned into movies before, but it’s not like it’s because Hollywood just didn’t know about them. Like, if you want to make a movie of a famous book that people have been trying for decades to turn into a movie, you might want to at least take a real careful look at WHY it hasn’t worked out already before you go ahead with yours. Maybe there’s an actual reason. Like that it’s a terrible idea. Just a thought!

Fat Kid Rules the World

This movie was directed by Matthew Lillard.

The Three Stooges International Trailer

This is the greatest movie of all time. Seriously. I’m so excited for it. Incredible.