Casting The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

In 1987, the year we were all born, God gave us the first Garbage Pail Kids movie as a birthday present. It has since developed a reputation as one of the worst movies of all time. And not even in a way that makes twenty-somethings in big cities want to watch it in a movie theater together at midnight, if you can believe it. Although the thought to turn parody trading cards from a million years ago into a feature film has already proven itself as a terrible and “why would you ever do that, at least now Hollywood has learned its lesson and certainly won’t do it again, and definitely not a million years later when nobody even knows what Garbage Pail Kids are anymore” idea,

Michael Eisner’s The Tornante Company will finance and produce the development of a feature film based on Garbage Pail Kids, the trading card line published by Topps. Eisner bought the card company in 2007 and this is his first feature spinoff project. Toby Ascher is producing. PES (that is what he goes by) will direct the film, which will be scripted by Michael Vukadinovich, who most recently set his Black List script The Three Misfortunes Of Geppetto at Fox and Shawn Levy’s 21 Laps. PES, an award winning creator of shorts, developed the story with Vukadinovich.

Duh barf of course. It is a BRAND NAME. If we don’t make movies out of all the brand names that exist, where is all that money you can make by making movies based on brand names going to go? Pes, the director, is the creator of such Internet-famous stop motion shorts as “Fresh Guacamole” and “Western Spaghetti,” which I’m sure you’ve seen, and which I’m sure you’ve liked because they are highly enjoyable. So at least it will have that going for it? The other thing it has going for it is this INCREDIBLE CAST:

Wow! Quite an ensemble! Maybe this was a great idea after all!