Videogum

This Is Just A Good Song About Rick Santorum

This. Changes. Everything. Nate Silver has been up all night and it looks like Rick Santorum is now a shoe-in to win not only the Republican nominating contest but also the general election in November with 100 percent of the vote. When asked how they made up their minds, voters responded that they liked the catchy song and appreciated how deftly it avoided any mention of Rick Santorum’s hate-filled, backwoods ignorance masked as some sort of misguided dedication to principals. “He’s going to bring factories back to our shores, I guess, and that would be great,” said one idiot. “I’m a huge fan of the Constitution,” responded another, “and I didn’t realize our country wasn’t using the Constitution anymore, but if that’s the case, I really want a President who will use the Constitution because that seems like how it’s supposed to work, and according to these two incredibly white sisters from Oklahoma and their dad on bass guitar, Rick Santorum is the only candidate who even knows what the Constitution is, so he’s got my vote.” Said Troy Milner of South Bend, Indiana, “I liked when the one girl put on sunglasses and shook her hair out crazy. She’s very cool. So Rick Santorum is very cool.” Congratulations to Rick Santorum, Mr. Cool President of America. (Via Gawker.)