Duh Aficionado Magazine: Paula Deen Is Probably Racist

Now that the Paula Deen Asshole Train has pulled out of the station, someone broke off the brake handle and this thing is Chris Pine’s Unstoppable! Look out for that bend! Paula Deen is going to fly off the rails and blow up the chemical plant! AHHHHHHH! Anyway, just weeks after it was revealed that the Butter Queen is suffering from Type II diabetes from the exact same garbage she’s been shoving into American mouths for years, but was keeping it secret until she locked down her endorsement deal with a pharmaceutical company, now Mrs. Heavy Cream is being sued along with her brother Bubba for creating a terrible work environment at their restaurant, Bubba’s Oyster and Seafood House (real name for a real restaurant owned by Paula Deen!)! Most of the accusations center on Bubba, who used to watch porn in the office, made racist comments about Barack Obama, and spit in the plaintiff’s face during an argument. But here is the real bombshell featuring Mrs. Type II Deenabetes herself (from Radar via Dlisted):

According to the court documents, Jackson states that she was appointed by Deen to handle the catering and staff for Bubba’s wedding in 2007, and she asked Deen what the servers should wear: “Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n***ers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around,” Jackson alleges Deen told her. “Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn’t it? But we can’t do that because the media would be on me about that.”

Ugh, don’t you guys hate the MEDIA and how they’re always ON YOU? Can Paula Deen live? For the time being, neither Paula nor Bubba has responded to the charges, so it’s all simply the word of one woman, but I do feel like if this ever went to trial the judge would just dismiss the case without hearing any testimony because OF COURSE Paula Deen is racist. Would you sue the sun for shining? Would you sue the rain for being wet? YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!