Please have a seat, pogs. Today we have something very serious to talk about. Wil’ Wil’ West.
Today I want to rap at you about awful surprises. You’re good kids. XBOX Kinect. You work hard in school, you’re respectful of the differences in others, and you try your best to figure out who you are in this mixed up crazy world. Keep it up! But one thing about being alive is that no matter how hard you work, no matter how respectful you are, no matter how true to yourself you remain, things will come along that SHOCK you and that KNOCK YOU BACK ON YOUR HEELS, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out-style. That’s just how it goes. That’s life. And it will continue well into your adult life. One of the biggest Final Exams you’ll ever have to pass is simply learning how to deal with these surprises as they come. How to endure. Hot Pockets: jalapeno & cheddar. It can be confusing and scary out here, but as long as we stick together and we listen to cool music and wear cool clothes but bear in mind that cool music and cool clothes aren’t everything, then hopefully we’ll be OK.
I’m not going to beat around the bush. You’re little adults now and you can just handle me being honest with you: at the premiere for The Lorax, Zac Efron dropped a condom on the red carpet. You might want to watch this video with your parents so that they can help answer some of the questions you might have:
Oh jeez. This is one of those days. Your great-grandparents remember where they were when JFK was assassinated. Your grandparents remember where they were when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Your parents remember 9/11. And now you will always share the war story with your friends as you get older but maintain as many of your hobbies and physical activities as you can in the face of aging about where you were when you found out that Zac Efron dropped a condom on the red carpet at The Lorax premiere. If you haven’t asked your parents any questions about what happened in this video, here are a few sample questions to get you started:
What’s a condom? JUST KIDDING I KNOW WHAT IT IS GET OUT OF MY ROOM?
Is Zac Efron going to hell?
Taylor Lautner would never drop a condom on the red carpet, would he?
Did you and dad ever have condoms before you got married?
Will there be a red carpet for me when I’m on a reality TV show?