This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

There is a new Whit Stillman movie trailer this week, you guys! It has been simply ages since he made a movie, darlings. AHAHAHAHAH. I’m just like Whit Stillman now! Seriously, though it has been a long time and he has made some pretty good movies and also Last Days of Disco, which is less good but still fine ultimately and features Kate Beckinsale before she was in the Underworld saga or even a presenter at the Grammys for no reason. Also Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which, well, we will talk about it when the time is right, which is after the jump:

Damsels In Distress

Even if this movie weren’t directed by Whit Stillman, it would totally be directed by Whit Stillman. Because whoever made this pulled a total Whit Stillman. This looks fine and everything, and those quotes certainly are glowing, but it’s actually kind of a bummer that Whit Stillman doesn’t track this monied class through their lives. He’s clearly much older than he was when he made Metropolitan, so why is he going back to this blush of youth stuff? I’d be so much more curious about his take on aging debutantes. It’s also a little weird that he clearly thinks Chloe Sevigny is too old to be in a movie anymore, so he finds Greta Gerwig to play Chloe Sevigny in a movie? Eep! Eep! Anyway, I will see this, but I wish Whit Stillman would find a movie his own age to fall in love with.


Too scary! I’d be just like GET OUT OF HERE, HOLLOW FACE! NO MENUS!


Is it racist of me to think that all of these English mobster movies look the same? They look good! But the same. This seems like the kind of thing that I won’t actually end up seeing and then six years from now I will find it on Netflix Instant and for two seconds remember, oh yeah, that looked kind of good, before I just watch something else entirely. The Bank Job style. But fingers crossed! Maybe someday someone will actually see this! (I’m just being realistic, Pusher trailer, don’t be sad.)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Ugh. I’ve been avoiding watching this trailer all week because the title alone makes me want to BARF. I’m a total BARFETBAGGER when it comes to this movie. But it is directed by Timur Bekmambetov, which gives me pause. Wanted wasn’t very good, but Night Watch was great. Still. Fuck this. The fact that the whole vampire thing is totally overblown and insufferable doesn’t mean that I’m looking for some kind of cheeky play on the vampire thing. I want us to wash our hands of the vampire thing entirely, not goof on it. I’m talking to you, too, Jane Austen With Zombies or whatever that thing is. Enough.