The Rock Will Be President Someday, Says The Rock

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for celebrities to give so many interviews all the time while trying to keep their craziness under wraps. I don’t really even mean that in a jerky, condescending way. I can hardly talk to people in my everyday life while keeping my own craziness under wraps, and I BARELY talk to people. If I had to answer questions from strangers all the time I’d be just the weirdest wreck. I don’t even want to think about the kind of things I’d — WE’D, all of us, we’re all in this together — say. That being said, though, I’m not sure if there would ever be a point where we’d say this thing that THE ROCK (!!) (The Rock) said to Moviefone:

Right now the best way that I can impact the world is through entertainment. One day, and that day will come, I can impact the world through politics. The great news is that I am American, therefore I can become President.

:( :( I know that emoticons aren’t a very professional way to express how you feel about a quote from The Rock, but that is only because there isn’t an emoticon that expresses a frowning mouth with laughing eyes. The Rock!!! You aren’t going to be president, The Rock! I’m sorry. I don’t even think you can play the president in a movie! Maybe the president of a toy company who needs to pay more attention to his kids in a Christmas movie, but even that would feel a little silly. But then he also said this weird thing in response to a question about how he knew Bin Laden was dead before everybody else?

If I tell you that, I won’t have to “kill” you, but I’ll have to behead you — no, I got my sources. I got friends in high places and low places. It was a very interesting day; I’m proud of our country and proud to be American. The individuals who were there were proud to let me know. I knew the President was going to give his speech; I thought he was going to give it at a certain time and so I thought, “I think it’s appropriate that I tweet ‘I’m damn proud to be an American'” and keep it in that space without giving away too much information. And then I got a call saying, “Now the President will give his speech in a couple of hours.” So we had about two hours of Rock tweets out there [Laughs].

Well, first of all, if you behead the interviewer you are going to kill him. Let’s just get the straight right now. Second of all, perfect. I’m glad that Seal Team 6, according to The Rock, made it a priority to inform The Rock that they had killed Osama Bin Laden before anyone else. Certainly the proudest moment of their life, I’m sure. Calling The Rock — the future President of the United States of America — and letting him know that his country is safe. So he could tweet about it. Who are the people The Rock knows in low places, though? How do they fit into this story? What’s the rest of the story, The Rock? What aren’t you telling us? How am I going to feel comfortable with you as our president if I know you’re holding onto SO MANY SECRETS?! cc:@wikileaks #therock4presidenteventually #afterheanswerssomequestions