The Oscar Telecast, Like Everything Else In Our Lives, Refuses To Stay The Same

For those of you who haven’t memorized the nominee list yet, this year’s Academy Award nominations feature only two songs in the “Best Original Song” category — a song from The Muppets and a song from Rio. Super dumb. It sounds kind of like an accident they should’ve just fixed quietly, and is in spite of songs from Elton John, Mary J. Blige, and other artists that would have been normal enough being eligible. Haha. Like, there weren’t ONLY two original songs in movies this year, FYI. But I guess they ended up with two due to the voting process being complicated somehow. It was probably some kind of very complicated math problem and if you didn’t understand all the equations you were supposed to employ you just ended up with either The Muppets or Rio. And voters were like, “Uhh…did you get The Muppets?” “Yeah, I got The Muppets.” “Ok, phew, me too.” But right when you thought they they couldn’t take anything MORE from our Oscars traditions, LOOK WHAT THEY’RE TAKING AWAY NOW! From Deadline:

Deadline has learned that neither nominated song will be performed during the Oscar telecast as things stand now. We understand that both studios — Rio‘s Fox and The Muppets‘ Disney — formally protested the decision to skip but received turn-downs. ”It seems like a huge missed opportunity to me, and we certainly tried,” one song insider just told us. Said another song insider: “It doesn’t make sense. They could have so much fun with Muppets and Rio staging.”

Why don’t you just have all of the nominees show up in business casual, NOT have buckets of champagne at their tables or access to the cocaine dispensers in the bathrooms, and barf on each other’s faces instead of winning awards? Huh? Why don’t you just not have the Oscars at all, huh? WHY DON’T YOU JUST MURDER US? #BRINGBACKBRETT!