Making Jean Dujardin’s Les Infideles Posters Less Crude

Just as all of America’s hearts were warming to Jean Dujardin, star of Uggie’s breakout hit that I still haven’t seen yet and get off my back about it, The Artist, a series of posters have been released in France for his new feature The Players featuring him in some compromising positions, if U kno wat I mean! (#sexstuff.) And because they are so gross and sexist and terrible and France hates them so much, some people are speculating that it may hurt his chances at the Oscars! OH NO! THINK OF THE UGGIES! From The Telegraph:

But his hopes of being the first Frenchman to receive the best leading actor Oscar could be dashed due to a sexism row over posters for his latest French film, it was claimed today.

In one, Mr Dujardin, 39, is seen dressed in a suit and tie holding a woman’s open legs by her stilettos with the caption: “I’m just going into a meeting.” In another, his sidekick, Mr Lellouche stands with a woman facing him at groin level as he warns someone on his mobile phone: “It’s going to cut out, I’m going into a tunnel”.

Hahaha! I certainly hope that it is just a lost in translation type situation and the captions really aren’t exactly what those captions are, because HOOO BOY. Those are very bad captions! Very unimaginative. I’m going to think for the next five seconds and I’m sure I can come up with a better one. Ok, here goes: “Looking forward to the merging of our companies.” LOL. Much better. Here’s another one: “One sec, I’m filing my income statement.” LOLOLOL. Those took my brain fewer than five seconds to come up with, and my brain is without a doubt the brain of a stupid person. Let’s see what our brains can do to fix the POSTERS for this thing, so our Uggie can finally win the Oscar that I assume he deserves!

Ok, here are the originals. Very terrible!

And here are my fix-ups. VERY GOOD!

See? You don’t need SEX APPEAL and GROSSNESS to make a good movie poster! Just a brain and a few great ideas. Can you do any better? I doubt it TBH, but can you?

PS: I understand the appeal to make the first one even grosser, but PLEASE DON’T MAKE THE FIRST ONE EVEN GROSSER!