Quote Of The Day: Mark Wahlberg Would Have Stopped 9/11

I feel really bad for anyone who turned off their Internet today in protest of SOPA, because even though I support their cause, they are going to spend 24 more hours of their life without reading this CRAMAZING quote from Mark Wahlberg from a recent interview with Men’s Fitness in which he basically claims that he would have single-handedly put a stop to 9/11 NO DUH OF COURSE HE WOULD HAVE (Via WWTD):

On being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

OH. MY. GOD. BECKY. LOOK. AT. HIS. QUOTE. That is easily the most important thing that anyone has ever said. NOTA BENE that there would have been a lot of blood in that FIRST-CLASS CABIN. Mark Fucking Wahlberg doesn’t sacrifice LUXURY in order to SAVE AMERICA. Holy moly. Can we make a movie ABOUT THIS QUOTE? Starring MARK WAHLBERG? (Take a backseat, Gwyneth Paltrow. You saved a life? Go fuck yourself. And you know who else can go fuck themselves? All the people who actually WERE on that plane and who DIED. Fuck them. They should have stopped it. They basically caused 9/11 if you actually, like, think about it?) I’m going to get this quote tattooed on my back right under the CRISP logo. And then there’s going to be a tattoo of the twin towers kissing. And a tattoo of Turtle smoking weed. And a tattoo of my Twitter handle. And a tattoo of a Native American crying. Not for what we’ve done to the planet, but for the heroism of Mark Wahlberg in Alternate Universe 9/11. Oh, and an eagle with Osama Bin Laden in its mouth. Don’t worry, I’ve got a big back!