Merry Christmas From Courtney Stodden

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Remember when Paris Hilton was the worst it could get and everyone would talk about how they couldn’t believe she was famous because she didn’t have any discernible talents other than a wealthy, well-connected family and her burning desire to be famous? This was the era when the still frequently asked and with even more fervor now question “Why do people care about her?” was born. It is crazy how quaint that feels in retrospect. You never quite know what you have until it is gone. Well, not gone so much as sensually sand blasted out of erotic existence by the naughty narcissistic teenage terror rays shooting from Courtney Stodden’s “chiseled chimney.” Of course, you can extrapolate from there if you want–you don’t want–and imagine a time in the future when someone comes along to replace Courtney Stodden that makes Courtney Stodden look like Paris Hilton (which would make Paris Hilton look like, I don’t know, Dame Judi Dench?) but that’s a dangerous circular nightmare that will eventually lead you back to your own swelling, diseased heart. And the truth of the matter is that Courtney Stodden is way more FUN than Paris Hilton. Remember when Paris Hilton tried to make “that’s hot” be a thing? Fucking shut the hell up, Paris Hilton. And her stupid dead eyes? Ugh, now I’m thinking about Paris Hilton and it is making me so mad. Sorry. My fault. I started it. Paris Hilton is dead. It’s Courtney’s time now.

Here are some photos of my face while watching this video:

See what I mean? It’s just FUN! (Via Dlisted.)