Tom Cruise Would Love To Do A Bollywood Film, Lies Tom Cruise

Aww, poor celebrities. They always have to be “on.” I’m just kidding, I do not feel bad for them. And also, they don’t have to always be “on,” and often they are not “on,” unless you mean “on cocaine.” (Boom! GARFIELD!) But as someone who doesn’t even like answering questions that his family asks him on the occasions when he talks to his family, I do actually think that the constant, inane barrage of a film’s press junkets would make you so angry and tired and bored, so you do kind of have to have a little appreciation for the modern celeb’s professionalism in these situations. Their winning smile. Their rote answers. Their cool deflections. Which is why it is surprising to see Tom Cruise bite it over the weekend while he was promoting Mission: Impossible: Ghost: Protocol in India. Come on, Tom Cruise. You’ve been doing this for 150 years. From the Hollywood Reporter:

“I love watching Hindi movies. There are many Hindi movies that come out every year but I do watch a few of them. (If offered a Bollywood film) I would never say no. I would love to do it,” the 49-year-old actor told reporters.

Let’s be clear: I REALLY HOPE TOM CRUISE STARS IN A BOLLYWOOD MOVIE. Because I would SEE THE CRAP OUT OF THAT MOVIE. But I am pretty sure this is like when you ask Mitt Romney “if you’re president, will you wage war on the moon,” and Romney says, “I don’t think it’s smart for a candidate to talk about hypotheticals but I wouldn’t take war on the moon off the table.” How is it even possible that Tom Cruise isn’t going to be offered a million Bollywood films next year (which is 1/10th of the number of films they make. He’s not going to be offered ALL the films, because he wouldn’t be right for a lot of them. But he would be PERFECT for a million of them) and now he has to say yes? His team loves this. His publicist and his manager and his agent are all so excited that they get to be the ones who have to come up with gentle but insistent lies to get Tom Cruise out of starring in a million Bollywood movies because somehow even after 300 years as a Vampire Movie Star, Tom Cruise still doesn’t know when to shut his old Brace Face. Fingers crossed. Hope he keeps his word. d) It was written.