A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Courtney Love Is Lindsay Lohan’s Sobriety Coach

Kelly: Hello Gabe
Gabe: Kelly
Kelly: What
Gabe: No, just like, formal. “Kelly.”
Kelly: Ohhh you didn’t use any punctuation so I had no idea’
Gabe: Kelly.
Kelly: Gabriel.
Kelly: How are you today what’s up
Gabe: not bad and nothing!
Gabe: how about you?
Kelly: I’m fine, I just heard some pretty good news, you wanna hear it?
Gabe: always
Gabe: i love pretty good news
Kelly: Great! Courtney Love has announced, in an interview with Details magazine, that she is going to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor.
Gabe: oh thank God

Gabe: good work everyone
Gabe: goodnight
Gabe: reset the work place accidents sign to zero
Gabe: and let’s go home
Kelly: All of what you’re saying is exactly right
Kelly: Courtney Love explains that she has gone through the same thing
Kelly: And that is why she will be/is a good coach.
Gabe: it’s weird that she even bothers explaining it
Gabe: i feel like you just hear
Gabe: “Courtney Love, sobriety coach”
Gabe: and you’re like, got it! stop talking!
Gabe: don’t wast my time with a bunch of stuff i already know
Kelly: Yeah well I think it’s like they had a full article to fill up with unnecessary explanations
Kelly: “Courtney Love, murderer of Kurt Cobain, is going to be the sobriety coach, coach of sobriety, to Lindsay Lohan, woman of interest, because she has been there in her life and that’s why she’ll be good at it.”
Kelly: Save and Print
Gabe: what is courtney love’s story about watching someone’s boobs on TV and that’s how she proved to Lindsay Lohan that drugs were bad?
Gabe: you’re a woman, can you explain that story to me?
Kelly: Well that seems kind of like a private thing and I can’t believe you would ask me on national internet
Kelly: But I think it was they were watching like the top 40 dumbest moments and half of them were courtney love showing her boobs and falling off of chairs

Kelly: And she said to Lindsay Lohan, as I remember it
Kelly: “Don’t do drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Gabe: oh ok
Kelly: And that’s what finally made Lindsay Lohan stop doing drugs
Gabe: i’ve heard she’s super against drugs now
Kelly: Oh yeah
Gabe: because of the countdown
Gabe: you would think that a hollywood celebrity
Gabe: caught up in the inner circle
Gabe: of hollywood celebrities who do drugs
Gabe: would have probably seen some kind of intense things
Kelly: You would think.
Gabe: but apparently a VH1 countdown of drunken fall downs
Gabe: is all the proof lindsay needed
Kelly: You would think that since she’s even already lived through some intense things herself
Kelly: That courtney love accidentally showing all the bruises on her legs wouldn’t have done it
Kelly: but that’s why you’re NOT a sobriety coach
Gabe: why does courtney STILL have bruises on her legs?
Gabe: from being TOO sober?
Kelly: Maybe that’s just what sobriety does to you? Once you’ve been sober for a long time you get your old bruises back?
Kelly: I’m not a doctor.

Gabe: wait, if we can go back to the tv story
Gabe: when courtney love says that she ‘went up to lindsay’s room’?
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: what is THAT about?
Gabe: her room WHERE?
Kelly: UP.
Gabe: they live together?!
Kelly: Maybe Courtney Love moved into her home as part of the sobriety sponsorship
Kelly: the downstairs part
Kelly: Or maybe
Kelly: Courtney Love just has a room for Lindsay Lohan in her own house
Kelly: Just in case she ever needs to move in
Kelly: Clearly there is a lot more to this story
Gabe: courtney love probably just couch surfs
Gabe: because she’s a piece of shit
Gabe: hahahaahahah
Kelly: GOTCHA COURTNEY. You thought you were safe but he’s gotcha.
Gabe: this is one of those stories
Gabe: like most stories
Gabe: that raises so many more questions than it answers
Kelly: You’re exactly right
Kelly: I can’t even imagine how Courtney Love knows Lindsay Lohan unless it’s because they do drugs together
Kelly: In which case this is the perfect cover

Gabe: oh, i don’t have a problem with that part
Gabe: i feel like the first day you are famous
Gabe: you just go down a welcoming line
Gabe: shaking hands with courtney love and moby
Gabe: or whatever
Kelly: Yeah I guess you’re right
Gabe: i do feel like
Gabe: most stories involving courtney love
Gabe: are reported by courtney love
Gabe: with courtney love doing the fact-checking
Kelly: Yes
Kelly: This story does only state that Courtney Love claims to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor
Gabe: yes
Kelly: We don’t know for sure how the newly sober Lindsay Lohan has managed to get her life back on track
Kelly: Whether it be with the help of Courtney Love or not
Kelly: But
Kelly: I don’t know about you
Kelly: But the world where Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor is the exact world that I want to live in
Gabe: good news
Gabe: YOU DO
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: i think the important thing to take away from all of this
Gabe: is just to say that we all genuinely hope
Gabe: that one day
Gabe: lindsay lohan can be more like courtney love?
Kelly: Yes. I do think we give Lindsay Lohan a pretty hard time
Kelly: But if anyone can follow Courtney Love’s path it is certainly her.
Gabe: it’s not going to be easy
Gabe: but i also have a feeling it wouldn’t be that hard