So, it’s finally time for us to talk about the elephant in the room: last night’s season 2 finale of How To Make It In America! What was Rachel going to do now that she’s been fired from Biscuit magazine? Could she maybe publish her article about the t-shirt designer guy in Bushwick who makes his own pickles somewhere else, like Grantland or something? Would Renee finally get the New York Caribbean League off of his back for long enough to sell his rasta-themed energy drink to a skate park in Connecticut? Most importantly, WOULD Ben and Cam sell the Crisp name to Nancy’s eccentric, cuckolded Israeli husband Yosi to turn into the new Ed Hardy Boyz? What about their Gadzooks order? And what would all of this mean not only for their friendship, but would the WORLD OF HOODIES ever be the same?! (There are also the plotlines of Kappo and Domingo, but no one cares about those plotlines because as dumb as all of the plotlines are those are somehow the most dumb? Good luck in jail for 10 days, Kappo. Keep walking those dogs, Domingo.) There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s just spray some weed mist in our mouths, pour a tall glass of homemade kamboucha, put on our best Japanese cotton and/or denim, load a song that just came out two hours ago on Spotify, and get to it.
Just kidding. But man oh man, I am so sad that this show is already over. Although, the finale really jumped the rails. Like, this whole season was already very ridiculous and stupid, but last night’s GAY KIDNAPPING and weird DRUG MEET IN AN ABANDONED LOT and then also BEN STEALING THE BEST TAILOR IN NEW YORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and PUSHA T RAPPING ALL OF A SUDDEN and cetra and cetra. (The good news is that I have not actually watched the first season yet. So, much as Kid Cudi moved Kappo’s “Going Away to Jail Party” to Chinatown at 5AM, I get to keep this party going for another two months at least!) The show with the lowest possible stakes somehow managed to top even itself, as the BIG REVEAL of the season was that not only would Crisp not be selling out (blech, who cares?) to some Corporate Hoodie Monster (although they kind of would be because they are still planning on fulfilling their Gadzooks order, despite the fact that GADZOOKS HASN’T EXISTED FOR YEARS) and would be going back into the denim market. Now, like I said, I haven’t watched the first season, but I believe that was about Ben and Cam trying to launch their denim label, and when that proved too difficult they moved this season into hoodies, but now they are going BACK to denim, so this whole thing has been an eight-episode write off? Perfect.
The point that I’m trying to make is that this is the best show on television. Only half-joking. I had more fun watching this show than I’ve had watching anything since THE FINAL SEASON OF ENTOURAGE. Just kidding. This was MORE FUN! And if anyone from HBO is reading this, or if anyone reading this knows anyone from HBO, please, PLEASE, pretty pretty puh-LEAZE give me a cameo on this show next season. I can play a guy who hosts a monthly locavore ukelele slam in Gowanus or whatever. BROOKLYN REPRESENT!
Right, guys? Guys?!