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Finally, Rampage: The Movie

For the first time in the history of it, Hollywood has actually gotten it right. They’re going to make a Rampage movie! As well they should. Seriously? Rampage? A movie? Get out of here. How haven’t they already? They must have to pee so bad, basically, but instead of pee I mean make a Rampage movie. There is one thing I am still confused about, though. From the Hollywood Reporter:

New Line Cinema has put into development an adaptation of the classic 1980s video game featuring apes and monsters destroying cities.

John Rickard, who has acted as a co-producer on a wide range of New Line movies from A Nightmare on Elm Street and Final Destination to Horrible Bosses and next year’s tentpole Jack the Giant Killer, will produce and is meeting with writers to develop a story for the project.

Develop what story for the project? There’s not going to be a story for the project. Don’t fuck this up, Hollywood. There’s no story in Rampage, that’s the whole point. The creatures come in and the RUIN ALL OF IT. The End. They punch buildings in the face and they eat the crying businessman. Sometimes, I guess, they get electrocuted or they fall onto a taxi if you need some kind of arc, but mostly they just punch all of the buildings until the buildings fall down. Next level, please. How are you going to make Real Steel and then insist that Rampage needs a story? Come on. Be realistic.