Ricky Gervais Proves There Is No God By Returning As Golden Globes Host

After a couple weeks of rumors and speculation it has finally been confirmed that Ricky Gervais, the atheist, will be back to host the Golden Globes for a third straight year. Ugh. Perhaps it makes sense, though. Not just because of the obvious publicity this immediately earns for an awards show that by all rights no one should, and no one really does, give an actual shit about, but even more importantly because what is becoming increasingly clear is that the organizers of the Golden Globes, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, do not even understand WHY they shouldn’t bring him back. From the Los Angeles Times:

According to the person at the vote, the majority of the dissenters were older members who found Gervais’ material in January insulting and were concerned that some of the A-list stars on the receiving end of the jokes wouldn’t return for more abuse. “My worry was that he was insulting, and when I invite someone to my house, they don’t insult me,” said longtime HFPA member Judy Solomon, who writes for an Israeli publication. “But this is show business. I guess I’m old-fashioned.”

A blog post on the HFPA site acknowledged that “while many welcome Gervais’ return, not everyone is happy with the decision because last year his blunt one-liners targeting big-name celebrities caused anger and resentment in some quarters.” The upcoming ceremony is set for Jan. 15 and will air on NBC.

ENH! WRONG! You shouldn’t worry about bringing Ricky Gervais back to host the Golden Globes because he might INSULT JOHNNY DEPP. Who cares?! Fuck Johnny Depp! (I love you Johnny Depp!) The reason you should not bring Ricky Gervais back as the host of the Golden Globes is because HE IS BAD AT IT. He’s smug and self-satisfied while he delivers hackneyed 1980s insult comedy that sounds like it was written by a couple of Emmerson sophomores the night before their “Pop Culture References In Bad Stand Up 201″ midterm. It’s awful. Because, here’s the thing:

By creating The Office, which was genuinely brilliant, and has been remade in multiple foreign countries (including this one) to repeat great success, Ricky Gervais now has what is called “fuck you money.” He’s very rich, innit? Good for him! He should be! The part where it becomes problematic is that I have a feeling he doesn’t understand that what “fuck you money” means is that he can now afford to work on the projects he WANTS to work on in exactly the manner and within exactly the timeframe that he wishes. No one can tell him how to do his job, or when to do it, or anything. That is what “fuck you money” is. It’s not actual “FUCK YOU” money. You don’t use it to encapsulate yourself in a sardonic shield of Raw Confidence as you go on ACTUAL TELEVISION and say FUCK YOU to EVERYONE. And not just fuck you to the aforementioned Johnny Depp, but fuck you to the audience as well. I’m all for watching an irreverent awards show where no one takes themselves too seriously, and people can laugh at and celebrate in the human foibles of our Celebrity Heroes. That sounds great! But whatever that was last year, it was a miserable slog through the mean-spirited swamp of a comedically lazy and disgustingly pompous goon’s Guinness riddled brain. LET ME OUT OF THIS SWAMP! I don’t care if Katey Sagal IS going to win a moonman.

And that is why the HFPA shouldn’t have hired Ricky Gervais to host the Golden Globes again. Not because the lame jokes he made at everyone’s expense were hurtful or disrespectful, but because they were so lame. Oh well. Remember three years ago when they didn’t even bother televising the Golden Globes? That was nice.