Oscar Talk: The Muppets Are The New Betty White, Apparently

Lots of Oscar news, you guys. This is so exciting! It’s like the time all those Chilean miners were trapped in that well and you didn’t know whether they were going to make it out alive or if all of their children would be left as orphans and no one had any idea WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. It’s almost exactly like that. Except, you know, without the whole horrifying threat of mass death, and criminally negligent working conditions in a notoriously dangerous industry, and the impossible image of being sealed in a narrow, hot coffin a hundred miles from the sun. But with more egomaniacs and celebz and back pats and champagne and tuxedos and plush, institutionalized self-congratulation. Otherwise: the same thing. Anyway, just a few hours after it was announced that Brett “The Human Toilet Mouth” Ratner was out as producer, that power vacuum has already been sealed by one Mr. Brian “The Human Sonic The Hedgehog” Grazer who has agreed to taking over producing duties. Nikki Finke, reporting on her Deadline blog, lays it on a little thick.

For Grazer to take on the Oscars demonstrates a dedication to the movie community that I hope the Academy won’t soon forget. Grazer’s name frequently comes up for the Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award, the most coveted Oscar honor for anyone in Hollywood, and almost received it for the 76th annual Oscars. So maybe sooner rather than later it should be Grazer’s turn for the Thalberg. I say give it to him next year.

Jebus H. Xmas, TAKE IT EASY. Brian Grazer is a powerful Hollywood producer with a well-respected entertainment media conglomerate behind him and he is about to produce the Academy Awards as a FAVOR. Dude is doing great. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve The Jew Oscar or whatever (sorry, Irving G. Thalberg, but come ON) but, you know, his time will come when his time comes. And this whole you hoping the Academy won’t soon forget, like, what are YOU worried about? Nikki Finke is gonna be sooooo pisssssssed if the Academy forgets what Brian Grazer did for them. Because she is his girlfriend.

OK, but so, as civilians, no one ACTUALLY cares THAT much about who is going to PRODUCE the Oscars. We want to know who is going to HOST the Oscars! Because we’re unwashed rabble! We suck! Grazer says we’re not getting Eddie Murphy back, which always sounded like a pretty sketchy idea if you ask me (ask me! “Did it always sound like a pretty sketch idea?” Yes) unless Eddie Murphy was going to host the whole thing in a rotating series of fat suits. But, so, now the latest name being “tossed” around is, uh, wait, The Muppets? Sort of.

Again, Nikki Finke:

With freshly picked Oscars producer Brian Grazer now looking for a host, one of the first calls some people suggest he make is to The Muppets. A Facebook page has been advocating for the Muppets to host the Oscars since February 28th and now appears to be gaining traction with today’s departure of Eddie Murphy. Quite a few Deadline comments echo the sentiment. But The Muppets? Really? Disney owns both the Muppets and ABC, which is the network that broadcasts the Oscars and just happens to have a new movie starring Jim Henson’s creations releasing on November 23rd. Can you smell PR stunt?

OK, so no one is actually suggesting the Muppets should host the Academy Awards? It is just a marketing campaign exploiting people’s love of Facebook media campaigns? Fine. These guys know what I’m talking about:

But I do love, once again, the slight twinge of self-righteous indignation at the end. “Can you smell PR stunt?” HAHAHAH. Yeah, I can. It’s called THE ACADEMY AWARDS. Everything in Hollywood is a PR stunt. And Deadline Hollywood is a blog dedicated to being the first person to bring you that PR. Here is a sampling of yesterday’s (non Oscar buzzzzzz) posts:

‘Anderson’ Talker Renewed For Season 2
Jeff Probst’s Syndicated Daily Talk Show Closing In On Deal With NBC Stations
Hot Trailer: ‘Corman’s World: Exploits Of A Hollywood Rebel’
Morgan Freeman To Receive Golden Globes’ Cecil B. DeMille Award
Amazon Unveils Media Apps For Kindle Fire

Can YOU smell PR stunt?! WHAT A BUNCH OF BALONEY! (Why is this making me more angry than everything that farted out of Brett Ratner’s mouth?) It’s all a PR stunt! Shoot your television! Eat your pets! We’re going to war! WARKA-WARKA-WARKA! (Fonzie the Boar.)