A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Dakota Fanning’s Marc Jacobs Perfume Ad

Gabe: hey, kelly, what’s up?
Kelly: Oh hey Gabe nm
Kelly: Is anything up with you
Gabe: nope ok see you later
Kelly: wait
Kelly: I thought of something that’s up
Kelly: Ok so
Kelly: The Advertising Standards Authority in the UK has recently banned an ad
Kelly: For Marc Jacob’s “Oh, Lola!” perfume
Gabe: let me stop you right there
Gabe: this is America, Kelly
Kelly: Well sure
Gabe: so what are we even talking about here?
Gabe: if you don’t want to live here, GET DEPORTED
Kelly: It features an American actress?
Gabe: hmmm, go on
Kelly: Ok, so, it features young AMERICAN starlet Dakota Fanning with a big perfume bottle between her legs with a flower on it
Gabe: gorgeous
Kelly: I know, right
Gabe: what’s the problem?

Kelly: The Advertising Standards Authority is saying that it sexualizes children
Kelly: Even though Dakota Fanning was 17 when she took the photos.
Kelly: Can you even believe the gaul?
Gabe: wait, what’s wrong with sexualizing children?
Gabe: jk jkjkjkjkjkjkkj
Kelly: Too late already pressed the gross button underneath the desk
Kelly: “You’re out of here!”
Kelly: “Strike three!”
Gabe: is that the noise it makes?
Gabe: when you push it?
Gabe: it says “you’re outta here?”
Gabe: kind of a corny button, kelly
Gabe: cool desk
Kelly: It’s not like you can record your own message WHERE ARE THE POLICE?
Kelly: I guess maybe it will take a few minutes
Gabe: the real question about this whole thing
Gabe: is who wants to be more like Dakota Fanning?
Kelly: Gabe: ha
Gabe: of course you do
Kelly: Duh she’s BLONDE
Gabe: good point
Kelly: But go on, why is that the real question
Gabe: oh, i just think she’s a funny spokesperson to have for anything
Kelly: Hahah oh ok
Kelly: Yes, true
Kelly: But Marc Jacobs ALSO recently signed her sister on for his Marc by Marc Jacobs ad campaign
Kelly: So maybe he just has a weird Fanning thing

Gabe: so it was like a package deal, is what you’re saying
Kelly: Or that
Gabe: i mean, the truth is
Gabe: like, OK, placing a giant perfume bottle between her legs
Gabe: is definitely a POWERFUL CHOICE to make
Kelly: Very provocative.
Gabe: but, like, putting a child in a perfume commercial in any way whatsoever
Gabe: is kind of sexualizing children
Gabe: what the fuck does a little girl need with perfume?

Kelly: Oh, yeah. That is true.
Gabe: case closed
Kelly: Hahah. The end.
Kelly: You should fax that over to the Advertising Standards Authority and CC Marc Jacobs
Gabe: i certainly have no problem with censoring a marc jacobs perfume ad
Kelly: Sure
Gabe: but, like, most advertising
Gabe: should probably just be banned
Gabe: i’m not sure that this one is that much more egregious than
Gabe: well, i was about to say American Apparel, but it’s not like anyone thinks American Apparel ads are OK
Gabe: i mean, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE THOSE ADS!
Gabe: but you know
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: So let’s say this was not an ad and just a photo from a magazine
Kelly: With Dakota Fanning and a huge flower bottle between her legs
Gabe: we’d probably have different hair cuts and speak with English accents
Gabe: because that is some Sliding Doors shit
Gabe: that you are proposing
Gabe: i mean, magazines get in “trouble” all the time for this kind of thing
Gabe: but this is AMERICA
Gabe: which brings me back to my original question: why are you talking to me about this?
Kelly: I don’t know I just thought maybe you were British? You seem REAL British sometimes
Kelly: I was just trying to connect
Kelly: Feel it out kind of. Like, hey, look at this story about the UK
Kelly: ?
Gabe: you’re fired