Now that Brett Ratner is OUT, somebody has to be IN. That’s how it works. (Incidentally, this is my favorite quote from his letter: “Having love in your heart doesn’t count for much if what comes out of your mouth is ugly and bigoted.” Hahah. Good point. Ugly AND bigoted? Yikes. Work it out, Ratner.) Anyway, the question now is WHO WILL PRODUCE THE 84FTH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS?! It’s going to be tough to replace a talent as impressive as Brett Ratner’s, obviously, so that narrows the field down. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
Michael Bay: BOOM! This year, the Academy Awards EXPLODES! Literally. Thousands dead.
Jerry Bruckheimer: I’m not entirely clear how Jerry Bruckheimer producing the Academy Awards would be in any way different from Michael Bay producing the Academy Awards. Fewer tits? Bigger tits? Hard to say.
Judd Apatow: Jason Segal shows his diiiiiiiick! Agaiiiiiiiiiiiin! And Judd awards himself the Oscar for “Best Family and Overall Life.”
Michel Gondry: All of the Oscar statuettes are made out of felt, and the Best Original Screenplay award goes to the dream you had last night about love.
Rafi from The League: This year’s Academy Awards are renamed the AVN Awards.
This is a fun game. You just reduce someone’s entire career to something really simplistic and possibly even offensive and then you say that’s what their version of the Academy Awards would be like. Anyone can play!