Last night, two new TV shows premiered! Hell On Wheels and it is a gritty, violent western about the building of the railroad on AMC starring Common. The other is called The Heart She Holler, and it is a bonkers soap opera about Appalachian nightmare people starring Kristen Schaal and Patton Oswalt. And now they must FIGHT! Just kidding, shows. You don’t have to fight. Did you guys watch these shows? Personally, I thought Hell on Wheels was OK. At the very least it has potential. The guy who looks like Alcide on True Blood was pretty good, and the whole thing is kind of like an episode of that video game Red Dead Revolver. I was also pretty on board with the Bad Guy at the end giving a very-on-the-nose metaphorical speech about what this whole thing is going to be about while beautiful b-roll images of our new friends played in the background. But the real show to watch was The Heart She Holler. What on EARTH? It is made by the guys who made Wondershowzen, and it is NUTS. Some of it is a little gross. Does it have to be that gross? I guess it does. But also it is very funny and weird. Like, 70/30 but flip it. Weird/Funny. Also: Heather Lawless. Also: did I mention it’s nuts? DON’T YOU GUYS LOVE NEW TV SHOWS? We are about to have so many new adventures!