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There’s Something Wrong With The Vampire Dog Poster

Look, I think we can all agree that the time has come for a movie about a vampire dog. Clearly. The vampire thing that is going on right now is great and it hasn’t been going on long enough and hopefully it will keep going on forever, but if that’s going to happen, and I definitely hope it does and am for sure not being sarcastic, then we’re going to need to find ways to grow and expand the vampire canon. Dogs is a great first step. Vampire dogs, yes. You can just hear the sigh of relief in Hollywood. “Phew.” That’s what it sounds like. “Thank fucking God for this. Melody, can you get in here and close my office window. I have decided not to jump. Thank you movie idea in which a dog is a vampire.” The name is also super good. Vampire Dog. Got it. You got it? You got it. We all got it right away. You’re locked in. It’s our generation’s Snakes on a Plane (but without all the swearing, I hope). But here’s the thing, what is that tag line? “All Bark…and No Bite.” What? Even regular dogs who are not vampires are known to bite sometimes. But a dog that is a vampire? That thing would be biting like crazy! It just doesn’t make any sense. If anything, a vampire dog would be all bite and no bark, because a vampire dog wouldn’t even bark very much, because vampires are sexy, and barking is not. (I’m assuming the dog in this movie is going to be pretty fuckable. It is a vampire.) It’s like, do the writers of Vampire Dog even know anything about dogs or vampires much less a dog that IS a vampire? It doesn’t seem like it. Obviously, the poster is finished and there’s not much we can do about it now. I just hope this doesn’t actually translate into serious story problems in the actual movie, which I will definitely be seeing, either on opening night, or possibly from the comfort of my own home for 60 dollars, Tower Heist style. It was worth it for Tower Heist and it’s worth it for this. But that vampire dog better bite everything, or I am going to be so pissed. No bite…so pissed. That is the tagline for my movie: Regular Human. (Click through to enlarge. Via IWatchStuff.)