Gretchen: Aww, a box! Thank you, I love it.
Boyfriend: Oh no no, not so fast Gretch. It’s not just a box. Go ahead, try and open it.
Gretchen: I can’t…how do you…It won’t open. Can you open it? Is it locked, do you have the key?
Boyfriend: It’s a puzzle, actually. You have to find the key hidden somewhere within the box. I designed and made it myself!
Boyfriend: I know how much you love puzzles, so I designed this puzzle box for you. There are a number of steps you have to figure out before finding the key that opens the box! Hidden doors, sliding panels, secret compartmen–
Gretchen: Ohh, that’s nice. Can’t you just tell me where the key is, though?
Boyfriend: Well that would defeat the whole purpose, Gretch. I spent a lot of time designing this for you. You’ll have a lot of fun with it, I promise! Just give it a go!
Gretchen: Ok, fine.
[Gretchen looks at the box for a few minutes, prying at different wood panels that aren’t the ones that come loose.]
Gretchen: This is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.
Boyfriend: Aw, come on, Gretchen. I really worked hard on this for you. You love puzzles!
Gretchen: This is a fucking impossible puzzle.
Boyfriend: No it’s not! It all works together — each new piece unfolds the next step. It’s challenging, sure, but not impossible. Especially not for you, my little puzzle queen!
Gretchen: Please just be quiet while I try to figure out how to open this stupid thing.
[The couple sits in silence under the Christmas tree for an incredibly tense 12 minutes.]
Boyfriend: Hey, maybe I can help you with the first step?
Gretchen: LEAVE ME ALONE.
Boyfriend: Ok. Let me kno–
Gretchen: CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS.