Who Is Ms. Cool Blind Item?!

Celebrity gossip is awful and dehumanizing and a waste of time and we all love it. Even worse are blind items, which are celebrity gossip items posted without proper names so that your mind swirls and you start making up elaborate stories about total strangers based on very little, and entirely specious information. So fun! This blind item from the New York Post is very good:

An unnamed actress is demanding $1 million from, accusing the company’s popular movie Web site, IMDb, of revealing her age by using her credit-card information.

The actress, who filed the federal suit in Seattle as “Jane Doe,” says she was keeping her age a secret because if Hollywood producers knew how old she was, she’d get fewer roles. “In the entertainment industry, youth is king,” the suit says. “If one is perceived to be ‘over-the-hill,’ i.e. approaching 40, it is nearly impossible for an up-and-coming actress, such as the plaintiff, to get work.”

The woman’s exact age isn’t listed in the suit. It says she is living in Texas. She claims in the suit that IMDb, which is owned by Amazon, got her private information in 2008, when she subscribed to the site’s pay service, IMDbPro. “Shortly after subscribing to IMDbPro, plaintiff noticed that her legal date of birth had been added to her public profile … revealing to the public that the plaintiff is many years older than she looks,” the suit says.

I have no idea who this could be (living in Texas? If it is Connie Britton I hope she wins her case, and if it is anyone other than Connie Britton, I hope she gets sun poisoning) and I have never been good at guessing games (see: photo illustration of Dame Jeremy Renner) but whoever it is she sounds WONDERFUL. You know an actress is the real deal when she signs up for her own IMDB Pro account. “Gotta know who Chazz Palminteri’s manager was in 2006 if you want to keep working in this business!” Let’s also admit that if it is true that IMDB Pro and Amazon have a secret information-sharing deal where they are pulling stupid liar actress birthday information from one-click shopping credit card information, that is also incredible, and I would like to invest all of my money in that business. It’s called blue chips on the ground floor, and it moved my cheese. (Yuck.) (I’m a millionaire now, though, I think?) (Worth it.) WHO IS THIS BEAUTIFUL STARLET?!