Courtney Stodden’s Mom Rests Her Case Concerning Why Her 17-Year-Old Daughter Was Kicked Off Facebook

Oh no! Bad news, young girls and men (?!) (you’ll see). Courtney Stodden has been forcibly removed from Facebook. Apparently this has been happening a lot, but also it is happening again now. Oh no! Not Facebook! Well, don’t worry. The high-powered legal mind of Courtney Stodden’s mom is ON THA CAZE. From E!:

“It’s the jealousy from the women towards her,” [Krista] Keller exclusively tells E! News. “The men love her, the women hate her. The women report the photo because it’s so easy to do. You just click a button. They think she’s too sexy, they all report her together, and it’s done.”

The rule of Occam’s Bikini dictates that Courtney Stodden is DEFINITELY too sexy. And her mom (BEST MOM) makes a pretty solid argument, your honors. Very justice. And now, for the closing arguments:

“A lot of men and young girls love her page, but when the wives see their husbands on her page, they team up to get Courtney kicked off!” Keller adds. “When Facebook gets enough reports on one page, it locks her out.”

WHEN THE WIVES SEE THEIR HUSBANDS ON HER PAGE, THEY TEAM UP. Boom. Drops the gavel, walks off the stage. This is OUR generation’s A Few Good Men. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Remember when Courtney Stodden’s 51-year-old husband was on Lost? Wouldn’t it be neat if that was the reason we were still talking about him? (I am just kidding, no one is talking about him. Not now and not then either.) Something something polar bears! What’s in the hatch, is it HEAVEN? Nope! It’s Courtney Stodden’s Facebook page. LOST!