Headline Of The Day: “Man Who Threw Hot Dog At Tiger Woods Was “Inspired By The Movie Drive” To Do Something “Epic””

The story isn’t so bad either. From Deadspin:

The man who attempted (and failed) to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods at the Open last weekend has been identified. He is Brandon Kelly, a 31-year-old from Petaluma, Calif., and he is really into the movie Drive.

The Santa Rosa Press Democrat caught up with Kelly after he was named in the police report, and he admitted that it was he who wasted the perfectly good hot dog, and then he gave a perfectly rational insane explanation for the assault:

The idea, he said, was formed after he watched a movie about a stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver.

“I threw the hot dog toward Tiger Woods because I was inspired by the movie ‘Drive,'” Kelly said. “As soon as the movie ended, I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger.'”

Well, boys, file it under: THE PERFECT CRIME. You’re never going to catch this criminal mastermind. I mean, I know you already caught him, but you know what I mean. The word “never” is the same as the word “epic,” right? Neither one means anything and you can just throw the words around because you liked the movie Drive? HEY GIRL?! (Thanks for the tip, Darci.)