Videogum

The Petting Zoo: The Week’s Top 10 Animal Videos

A problem we keep coming back to time and time again with these top ten lists is that of the Unwanted Narrator. If I were teaching a class on animal videos, which is part of my ten-year plan, we’d spend like half the semester on understanding and dealing with the Second-Person Unwanted. (Second-person would be my best guess, I’m not sure if there’s ALREADY a classification for things like animal videos where the unseen narrator is talking to something within the video that cannot talk back, maybe we can call it second-and-a-half-person narration, I don’t know, we can discuss it after class.) Right now I have a few options for you to reduce the impact of the Unwanted Narrator. This is one of them, which you can play continuously in the background while you watch the videos on mute. This is another option, it’s a little different but I know we have a varied audience here so I’m trying to cover my bases. And finally, of course, there’s this option. Those are the three most obvious, but you’re free to suggest others in the comments. Now that we’re all queued up, LET’S DO THIS!

10. Guy Hoot-ing At Owls

9. Dreaming Hamster

8. Turtle Stands Up

7. Bear Cubs Fall Off Of A Hammock

6. Mouse Gives Rottweiler A Tiny Bite

5. Chihuahua Sneezing Fit

4. Scared Cat

3. Headbanging Bear

2. Monkey Bath

1. Baby Chimpanzee Gets Dizzy

HORRAY SPINNING BABY CHIMPANZEE! An obvious winner, I think we can all agree with that — so joyous and carefree. Baby monkey getting a bath is another great one, but has one of the worst unwanted narrator problems that I’ve ever come across. (“No, we’re not spanking the monkey,” “Time for a monkey beeeaaaaattthhh.”) JUST BE QUIET AND LET US WATCH YOU PUT THE TINY MONKEY UNDER THE FAUCET! Headbanging bears is a little tricky because obviously that video is great, but is there something wrong with that bear? He’s in a zoo so already we’ve got a red flag there, but it seems like something that would be all over the internet for being cute and then we learn that a bear bobbing its head is a sign for a serious bear illness/bear depression, and then we all feel terrible about ourselves. In our ignorance, though, it’s a VERY CUTE video. So congratulations to all of today’s winners. You’re all very good.