Roller skating used to be such a thing. Ask your grandma about it, she’ll tell you. When I was in school we used to have all-school skate nights at the roller rink and they were kind of the best and kind of a living nightmare. The best because roller skating was so fun, and who doesn’t love to party. The living nightmare because it was still everyone from school, including the child-sized pieces of human garbage that you didn’t want to have to see during off-peak hours. Now, of course, roller-skating is pretty much limited to a thing that Europeans seem to enjoy doing in ancient public squares, preferably with some kind of slalom of miniature orange cones set up. It’s confusing. But it’s also a good visual metaphor! I mean, look at this guy! He is doing it. And doing it. And doing it well. (LL Cool J, a staple of the roller-rink scene.) And isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Someplace to do what we do best? It might not be the most popular thing to be doing or the most popular place to be doing it, but if we’re lucky we might just find that one rink where you pay your 5 dollars, you lace up your skates, and you soar like a goddamned eagle. So to speak. LET’S GOOOOOOOO!