Please Stop Riding Outside Of Subway Cars!

If you live in New York City you’ve probably seen these PSAs on the train, warning against riding on the outside of subway cars. “The only safe ride is a ride in side — get in the train, not on it,” they say. And every time I see them I think, “What a ridiculous thing, I can’t believe that this is a PSA. Riding outside the train is not a thing that exists and I definitely do not believe it at all.” Those exact words every time. It honestly seems to me like something that 4chan invented to trick Oprah, and now moms across America are grounding their kids about it. “I can’t believe you go to school and just ride around on the outside of subway cars all day!” “That is just DISGUSTING!” Because, ah! How could riding on the outside of a subway car be a thing that people do!!!?? Obviously you are going to die doing that! You have like a 50% chance of dying on the INSIDE of a subway car! THAT’S A TRUE FACT! But obviously I, as usual, was just very naive. Apparently it IS a thing that people do. They put their bodies on the outside of subway cars while the subway cars are going and then that’s where they stay for the whole ride. On the outside. 

PLEASE STOP DOING THIS! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF DYING! I’m not going to look into it because I don’t want to know, but I’m sure, since this is a thing that actually exists, that many people HAVE died doing it. And I don’t want to make light of that. BUT, PLEASE, WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT? I understand it only slightly more than this subway nightmare. All of you, please quit it. Don’t ride on the subways. And my goodness, please don’t have subway parties. And definitely don’t have dinners on the subway. Please stop all of it. It’s all wrong. Maybe you shouldn’t even go on the subway anymore. Maybe no one should. This whole subway experiment is just not working out. (Via Gothamist.)