That’s Your Museum: The Arnold Schwarzenegger Museum

There is now a museum in Austria dedicated to Arnold Schwarzenegger. But of course you already knew that. Because it is your museum and you are the curator and also the docent and also the board. From FOX News:

The museum also avoids reference to Schwarzenegger’s out-of-wedlock child and his pending divorce, with displays that end at his terms as California governor. Open since July, it is a repository of items that include his first barbell, photos of a young Arnie with his parents and siblings, the metal bed that he slept on as a youth, several life-size “Terminator” models and the polished dark wooden desk he sat behind while California’s governor.

Cool museum! (Or “coolseum.” GOOD NIGHT!) Is it suggested donation? Because if so I would like to donate ALL MY MONEY. Are you kidding? A couple childhood photographs, a barbell, and some fucking bed? Sign me up. What are the benefits of being a museum member? Do you get to drink Jew blood in the private roof garden? Are you occasionally invited to gala events where living monsters inject human growth hormone into their eyeballs and then have 10-person gang bangs on the aforementioned bed? I know I already said sign me up but is there a way to sign up twice? Arnold went to a dedication ceremony this weekend, which included the unveiling of a bronze statue of himself that he also commissioned (how many times do I need to say cool museum before you guys will know how cool I think this museum is?!) Anyway, Arnold had some pretty powerful words for his fans this weekend (while an oom-pah band played in the background, obviously, not a joke, that is how it went):

In an inaugural speech, Schwarzenegger made only passing reference to the unwelcome media attention focused on him back home because of his affair and its subsequent complications, urging young people seeking success to view him as a role model.

“My personal success has less to do with millions of dollars or with the headlines in the media that are not always positive and also not with being clapped on the shoulder by Barack Obama and other world names,” he said. “Personal success is the result of determination, hard work and stubbornness. For me, this is not only a museum,” he added, gesturing to the yellow-stuccoed house behind him. “It is also a symbol of will … everyone has a chance.”

Haha. For Arnold this is not only a museum, it is also a symbol of will. For everyone else it is not EVEN a museum. Also, I’m pretty sure Arnold Schwarzenegger is confused about how success works. I mean, millions of dollars and “being clapped on the shoulder by Barack Obama and other world names” (?!?!?!?!!) has NOTHING to do with his success? They are outcomes of his success. But he’s not famous BECAUSE he has millions of dollars. He’s got millions of dollars BECAUSE he got famous. Same goes with these so-called shoulder claps. I’m only pointing this out because the museum is relatively new and I’m sure there is still some wiggle room to discuss possible changes in the format before everything is officially deemed part of the permanent collection, so, you know, maybe one of the rooms of the museum could be a school? And Arnold could go to it? And learn what is what? It would be called The University of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and it would be no one’s first choice.