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BREAKING NEWS: KRISTEN STEWART REFERRED TO ROBERT PATTINSON AS HER “BOYFRIEND”!!!!!

THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR HAS FINALLY COME! I CAN HARDLY EVEN CATCH MY BREATH! IF YOU’RE READING THIS STANDING UP, PLEASE SIT DOWN. YOU’RE GOING TO NEED TO SIT DOWN FOR THIS ONE. I’M NOT KIDDING. IF YOU STAND UP AT YOUR DESK NOW BECAUSE YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE WASTING TOO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE SITTING DOWN AND ALSO YOU READ SOMETHING ABOUT HOW SITTING FOR LOTS OF HOURS EVERY DAY HAS DETRIMENTAL HEALTH EFFECTS, I COMMEND YOUR EFFORT, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO NEED TO BORROW SOMEONE’S CHAIR FOR A MINUTE. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MADE A PROMISE TO YOURSELF AND IF YOU SIT DOWN NOW IT MIGHT BE LIKE, WELL, THIS FEELS NICE, I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVER GAVE UP SITTING. AND THEN ALL YOUR EFFORT WILL GO RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN. BUT IT’S ONLY FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING THAT I’M ASKING YOU TO SIT DOWN. I’M NOT TRYING TO TRICK YOU. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WOULD GET OUT OF THAT, OTHER THAN THAT I GUESS I WOULD FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER ABOUT MYSELF BECAUSE THERE’S NO WAY I’M GIVING UP SITTING. BUT THAT’S NOT MY ANGLE HERE! I JUST HAVE SOME BIG NEWS! SO ARE YOU SITTING? OK, GOOD! FROM HOLLYWOOD LIFE:

For nearly three years, we’ve watched Kristen Stewart‘s every move, using it as evidence she’s actually dating her Twilight co-star, Robert Pattinson. Now, in the British GQ, the 21-year-old actress accidentally slipped on the one secret she held near and dear: her relationship with the English actor. While discussing her time in the UK, Kristen said she was excited to see more of the country because “my boyfriend is English.”

GUYS DID YOU READ THAT! HER “BOYFRIEND”! IS ENGLISH! HER BOYFRIEND ROBERT PATTINSON IS ENGLISH! FROM TWILIGHT! I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I’M HAPPY OR SAD, TO BE HONEST, I GUESS I’M JUST SURPRISED AND RELIEVED THAT THE TRUTH IS FINALLY OUT! WE NO LONGER HAVE TO SPEND OUR DAYS WONDERING IF THE RUMORS ARE ONLY BEAUTIFUL LIES! WE NO LONGER HAVE TO SPEND OUR DAYS ASSUMING THAT KRISTEN STEWART HAS PROBABLY REFERRED TO ROBERT PATTINSON AS HER BOYFRIEND NUMEROUS TIMES SINCE WE ALL THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A THING THAT WAS KIND OF JUST OUT THERE AND NOT CONSIDERED A SECRET OR A RUMOR, JUST A HOLLYWOOD FACT! AREN’T YOU GLAD I TOLD YOU TO SIT? ORANGE YOU GLAD? ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA? ARE ALL OF OUR BRAINS BROKEN? I THINK MY BRAIN IS BROKEN! (THANKS FOR THE TIP, WERTTREW!)