Will You Care About A Book If A Celebrity Reads It To You?

Books — soooooo gross, right? What do I look like, a nerd who doesn’t even care about making the slightest effort to not look like a nerd? No thank you. Audio books are just as gross, maybe even worse because — to break away from this really fun character for a moment — who can even pay attention to them? It’s hard enough for me to pay attention to myself while I’m actively reading words. When I have my eyes closed and someone ELSE is reading me words I zone out almost immediately. I’m very impressed (and a little unconvinced) that anyone has a different experience. But, which we all know from the ads before This American Life, is working on a solution. CELEBRITY READERS! From The Hollywood Reporter:

Kate Winslet, whose reading of Emile Zola’s Therese Raquin was the first audiobook in the new series to be recorded, said of the experience: “You use a different part of your brain and it keeps your creative juices flowing. It is challenging, and it’s a heck of a lot of fun as well.” Other stars who’ve signed up to read great books include Nicole Kidman, who will be reading Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse; Anne Hathaway, who is lending her voice to L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz; and Dustin Hoffman, who will read Jerzy Kosinski’s Being There.

All of our favorites! This all just sounds like a heck of a lot of fun. The article goes on to list some OTHER participating celebrities, like Kim Basinger, Jennifer Connelly, Samuel L. Jackson, Meg Ryan, and Naomi Watts. But, I don’t know. I know that Anne Hathaway is in the mix and she’s OUR GIRL, our girl who we don’t like specifically, but the rest of these are a little ZzZZzZzzZZzzzzzzzz, if you know what I mean. (Zzzzz’s.) Who cares if Kim Basinger is reading me a book? Stop, Kim! Stop I’m bored, please stop! Some better options: 

  • Vincent Gallo reading Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s Notes from Underground
  • Aziz Ansari reading John Kennedy Toole’sA Confederacy of Dunces
  • Ryan Gosling reading David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest
  • The cast of Parenthood reading Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad
  • Sam Rockwell reading Italo Calvino’s If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler
  • Idris Elba reading P.G. Wodehouse’s Right Ho, Jeeves

This isn’t even a post about jokes, these are just VERY good ideas.