This Time-Lapse Video Of A Pumpkin Growing To 1,487 Pounds Needs A Tagline

I know it’s still really hot and gross outside, but I’m pretty sure it’s technically fall right now. Great! Fall, if it were to exist in a larger way than it does — that is to say, if it weren’t just a few days of muggy, a few days of fall, and then winter for the rest of the days — would be my favorite season. Sadly, since it does not, I have no favorite season because they’re all a bit too much for me. But the idea of fall is still great, as is this amazing time-lapse video of a normal pumpkin growing into a gigantic horrific pumpkin nightmare. As of right now, it is my favorite movie of the fall! Congratulations to it! Videogum Movie Club: this time-lapse video of a pumpkin! But unfortunately it doesn’t really have anything you need to actually be a movie, like characters or a plot or a title or costumes or Ryan Gosling or even Vincent Gallo. It barely has anything. But one thing we can certainly give it is A TAGLINE!

  • In the pumpkin patch, like everywhere else, no one can hear you grow.
  • This is Pumkamin. He’s a little worried about his gigantic size.
  • Who ya gonna carve? Not this pumpkin, it’s too big!
  • Don’t be afraid. Don’t be very afraid. It’s just a pumpkin.
  • 1,487 pounds, lots of seeds, and a soda can for some reason.
  • Every pumpkin has one special thing.
  • The true story of a real big pumpkin.
  • Its story will touch you, even though it can’t — it’s just a pumpkin. It can’t touch.
  • Halloween can kill me, but it can’t make me care.

What am I, Dr. Pumpkin!? Those are some great pumpkin taglines! (Via BuzzFeed.)