A Fake Interview With Ryan Gosling

[Ryan Gosling is a successful movie star in the middle of a boon year, with multiple films either in theaters, about to be in theaters, or soon to be released on DVD after a successful run in theaters. With a career like this, he does not have any time to sit down and answer our questions. That is why this interview is fake.]

Videogum: First off, thank you so much for taking time out of your very busy schedule to answer our questions.
Ryan Gosling: Absolutely. I’ve been looking forward to it all week, and this is the highlight of my day.
VG: Obviously, everyone is talking about Drive. I loved it a lot.
RG: Thank y–
VG: Excuse me, Ryan, but I’m not finished. Jeez! Can I get a word in edgewise with this guy?
RG: [laughs]
VG: I’m just kidding, Ryan! You’re the best. Do you want to interview yourself? You’d probably do a cooler job anyway. It would be great, actually. You know what, why don’t you just interview yourself. I know you kind of already did that in some other magazine, but you could just do it again.
RG: No, please, continue.
VG: So, Drive. Everyone loves it! It’s really, really good. You’re super good in it, and the aesthetic of the whole thing is just really beautiful. The soundtrack is great. Your jacket is cool, people love the jacket. I read that the jacket was actually modeled off of a jacket that you already own, and that you had a lot of input into the jacket and, like, also I read that you were the one who optioned the book the movie is based on in the first place and you chose Nicolas Winding Refn to direct it. It’s almost like you cast him in your movie.
RG: I guess you could say that. Is there…I’m not really sure what the question is.

VG: I’ve actually been watching a lot of your movies recently. You’re a really good actor! I know you’ve been acting a long time, and maybe it’s weird for you to work so hard for so many years and only just now people are kind of taking notice. I mean, I think you were kind of a teen heartthrob for awhile, and I don’t know, I guess people kind of cared about when you were in The Believer, but it just seems like this year you’re really taking off in a new way and I can just imagine how, like, maybe for you that is frustrating but still, All Good Things was really good. Oh, and I loved Blue Valentine last year. So good. That had a good soundtrack too! And the same costume designer who made your coat in Drive! I really like the song on the Blue Valentine soundtrack, that “You and Me” song by Penny and the Quarters?
RG: Yes.
VG: I read that you actually picked that song yourself for that scene with Michelle Williams, which is a good scene. So, you know, you have like so much influence over your projects not just the acting you do in them but like so many other parts of them and like really important parts, too. So, that’s cool.
RG: Thanks.
VG: I read this other thing the other day, I read a lot, I like to read, I just think reading is really cool and important? Ugh, I hate people who don’t read. They don’t understand people like you and me, man. Book people, you know? But so I was reading this interview with you–
RG: In a book?
VG: Who’s interviewing who here? [laughs]
VG: No, this wasn’t in a book, it was on a website, but I totally read lots of books. The Hunger Games books are pretty cool. Uhhhh. Other books. Anyway, I was reading this interview with you and you were sort of saying how you have this fake accent because you’re actually Canadian but how you didn’t think it was cool to sound Canadian and so you made up this sort of fake tough-buy American accent but that you’ve done it so long that it’s just the way you talk now, and that is the kind of phony baloney kind of thing an actor would do that would usually just get on my nerves so bad but it totally doesn’t get on my nerves with you. Like, hello? Do you make good movies? Uh, yeah. So who cares whether or not you sound cool in interviews, which you do, because of your cool fake accent. Nobody.
RG: Hey man, thanks so much, but are you going to ask any questions?
VG: I’m sorry?
RG: Everything that you’re saying is super nice and flattering, I just don’t…I mean, I’m not really sure what my role in this interview is supposed to be if you’re not going to ask me any questions.
VG: Right. No, yeah. So, do you think I’m cool?
RG: What?
VG: Do you think I’m cool, too? Like, we’d probably have fun just hanging out or something, no big deal, have a couple of beers, listen to some records, whatevs, just hang out, right?
RG: Sure, you’re cool.
VG: Oh man.
RG: You OK?
VG: Totally. It’s just really cool that Ryan Reynolds thinks I’m cool.
RG: Did you just call me Ryan Reynolds?
VG: Absolutely not. I would never do that.
RG: I think you did.
VG: If I called you Ryan Reynolds I would kill myself.
RG: That seems like a bit much. Look, I don’t know what to say. You’re kind of not giving me much to work with here.
VG: Oh, that’s fine. We can just end the interview.
RG: Seriously? You don’t need anything–
VG: It’s cool. You’re cool. I’m cool. You said I’m cool and you can’t take that back. So, everything about this is cool.
RG: Sure.
VG: You want to grab a beer or something? Whatever. No pressure. You want to hang out a lot? I literally have no plans, it’s crazy. We could totally do something, but so not a big deal, but I happen to be free if you want to hang out. Do you want to hang out?
RG: No.