The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Two And A Half Men Season Premiere

Last night was the season premiere of Two and a Half Men, and the first episode in which Ashton Kutcher replaced Charlie Sheen. It was watched by 28 million people. THAT IS SO MANY PEOPLE! That is literally too many people. Some of those people definitely should have been doing something other than watching Two and a Half Men. I mean, hey, you like what you like, and that is no problem, but I am just saying that if 28 million people decided NOT to watch Two and a Half Men and to instead spend that half hour in a concerted effort to make the world a better place, who knows what kind of breakthroughs we might achieve! (Complains the guy who didn’t watch the show because he was too busy making the world a better place by getting way too drunk on overpriced drinks in SOHO on a Monday night for heaven’s sake because his friend was in town as if that makes it better.) Anyway, I’m going to assume that not one single person who reads Videogum actually watched the show last night, which is a wishful and false assumption, but let’s all pretend that we are equally in the dark about what actually happened, and make up captions explaining what this show is even about. (I actually do not even know what it was about when Charlie Sheen was on it. It’s about two kidnappers holding a boy for ransom, yes? But it turns out the boy has progeria and looks like a man? A half man? Good guess!) Something tells me our caption ideas for this show will still be funnier than this show, which is not that big of a deal, because this show is terrible. But still.

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. WINNING DUH WINNING BUH BYE WINNING TORPEDO!