This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

This week’s movie trailers includes a trailer for what looks like one of the Worst Movies Of All Time, and also a couple of good trailers for movies that I think would be good. So, it’s kind of like life, you know, a little good and a little bad. Have you read Tuesdays with Morrie? “Work less. Go outside.” That old guy knew it all, I guess.

Premium Rush

I used to not like Joseph Gordon Levitt very much, but he was really good in Inception, so I’m basically on board now (although when he does non-acting stuff I still think he tries way too hard and I suspect that he just smells like so much flop sweat barely masked by crazy expensive but unassuming cologne all the time–and OK, yeah, maybe I DO imagine what Joseph Gordon Levitt smells like and OK can we just talk about the trailer now?!) and this movie looks fine, although anytime there is a movie that is basically like all the other movies (i.e. a time-limited secret envelope heist thriller) but it has some new twist (bike messengers!) I’m already pretty exhausted by all of the boring exposition I know I’m going to have to sit through explaining what a fucking “fixie” is, or whatever.

The Awakening

Ghosts + Downton Abbey Boys School Style + DETECTIVE MCNULTY = Yes log10 to the Yes degree.

We Bought A Zoo

HOLY MOLY! I have been waiting ALL WEEK to write about this trailer because HOLY MOLY!!!! What the hell IS THIS?! “Based on a True Story.” Sure. To be fair, every time I meet a single father struggling to raise to young daughters, my first advice to them is always to quit their jobs, buy a zoo, and fall in love with a 23-year-old. Mr. Cool Parenting Style. Also, how on EARTH do you go to look at a house and not know that it is actually a zoo? Even J.B. Smoove is like “Uhhhhh.” Matt Damon’s character may still have all of his hair, but he does not have a lot of COMMON SENSE! LOLOL. This looks terrible. Dare I say worse than Elizabethtown?

Red Lights Teaser

Really? That’s enough these days? Robert DeNiro with a fact cataract contact lens sitting on the edge of a bed with some Number 23 title cards and we are supposed to actually care? Or might I suggest that is not nearly enough and so far so nothing.


This is not for me, but knock yourself out. Get it? Hockey fight joke!

The Raid

There is something to be said about the fact that we live in a world so desensitized to violence that at this point one can theoretically compel audiences to attend a movie simply by showing that it will have a lot of it (violence) without really showing even the slightest hint of what the movie is about. (I suppose we know what SWAT teams are, and the movie is called The Raid, so I am sure it’s another heartwarming story about the military industrial complex’s hard-fought battles to make the world such a better place. But still.) It’s probably a little sad and maybe even very disconcerting that we’re so detached from the moral weight of these things. But whatever. I’d see this.

The Big Year

So, this is The Bucket List minus the terminal illness? Neat! Can’t wait!


This movie looks super good. Not joking. It looks really dark and intense and action-packed and I like Jason Statham and I like Mickey Rourke and Michael Shannon even better, and OK, 50 Cent is in it, but maybe not very much (see also: Eric the Vampire and Sloane from Entourage, but STILL) and it just looks very good. Fingers crossed!